


for i have sinned

by penrosequartz



Category: The Binding of Isaac (Video Game)
Genre: (it's exactly as bad as it sounds), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Aromantic Isaac, Asexual Isaac, Bets & Wagers, Bullying, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Chatting & Messaging, Child Abuse, Coming Out, Crack, Demisexuality, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Gaslighting, Ghosts, Hacking, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Journalism, Julian Assange Reference, M/M, Minor Violence, Miscommunication, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Private School, Repression, Scheming, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Terminal Illnesses, The US Government Is Shady, a whole new meaning to living on the internet, chat fic, energy drinks, i swear it's not as bad as it sounds, this isn't just a chat fic though it switches between that and normal fic, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-24 02:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14345595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penrosequartz/pseuds/penrosequartz
Summary: ISAACTLY CREATED A CHAT AT 6:54PM.ISAACTLY NAMED THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1”





	1. the new kid

**Author's Note:**

> ok so basically this is a chat fic/normal fic DOUBLE WHAMMY MY FAM  
> please enjoy! i hate myself for writing this but hey, what's new amirite  
> pretty sure you'll be able to figure out who's who but "emofuck" is eve and "fightclub" is samson, "ruslaser" is lazarus, "goodluck" is cain, "judasism" is judas (duh), "isaactly" is isaac, "magleen" is maggy, "demonkid" is azazel, "seenoevil" is lilith, "applelion" is apollyon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >[ART FOR THIS FICE HERE](http://dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com/search/the+binding+of+isaac%2C+fanart)<

**ISAACTLY CREATED A CHAT AT 6:54PM.**

**ISAACTLY NAMED THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1”**

**ISAACTLY ADDED MAGLEEN, GOODLUCK, JUDASISM, EMOFUCK, AND FIGHTCLUB TO THE CHAT.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** I am shit

**ISAACTLY:** I am shit

**ISAACTLY:** Nah nah nah nah

**ISAACTLY:** FUCKIN DICK

 

**EMOFUCK:** u ok

 

**ISAACTLY:** My mother is fucking insane

 

**JUDASISM:** hasn't this already been established???

 

**ISAACTLY:** Shit

**ISAACTLY:** Brb

 

**JUDASISM:** oh my god that family is so fucked up

 

**GOODLUCK:** Shut up judas no one likes you

 

**JUDASISM:** nah??? you love me???

 

**GOODLUCK:** What the fuck???

 

**RUSLASER:** Is Isaac okay?

**RUSLASER:** Oh goodness

 

**EMOFUCK:** one day i'll get lazarus to say fuck

**EMOFUCK:** and it will be the peak moment of my life

 

**RUSLASER:** :/

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 9:40PM.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** Thanks Judas yes we are fucked up thanks for noticing

 

**JUDASISM:** anytime

 

**ISAACTLY:** Maggy has bruises on her face I don't think we have enough makeup for this

 

**EMOFUCK:** i do tho, she’s the same foundation colour as me right?

**EMOFUCK:** want me to climb into your room

 

**ISAACTLY:** Are you sure? I don't want mom to find you

 

**EMOFUCK:** it'll be fine she's done for the night right??

 

**ISAACTLY:** One would hope so

 

**\--**

 

**MAGLEEN SENT A MESSAGE TO EMOFUCK AT 10:21PM.**

 

**MAGLEEN:** Thank you eve

 

**EMOFUCK:** that's fine

**EMOFUCK:** how are you?

 

**MAGLEEN:** Feeling better

 

**EMOFUCK:** …

**EMOFUCK:** you're coming over tomorrow night right?

 

**MAGLEEN:** Is that still okay?

 

**EMOFUCK:** of course!! char and i are looking forward to it

 

**MAGLEEN:** I love your bird

 

...

 

Magdalene exhaled slowly. Like she had on so many other occasions, she lightly touched the place where her mother had struck her. A battle began in her mind.

“You deserve this.” That was her mother, of course, and her ex-boyfriend too. Powerful figures that were doing this for _her._ She needed it, maybe she even wanted it.

“You deserve _better!”_ That was Isaac. That was Eve and Judas, Lazarus and Samson, even Cain. That was the TV shows she watched on her phone late at night when her mother forgot to turn off the internet (which was most nights, because her mother usually passed out drunk on the couch at around 9:00PM. That was the books she read in the school library. That was her math teacher who gave her sad looks whenever her sleeve rode up. That was everyone that mattered, and everything she loved.

Maggy decided to ignore the first voice for tonight. She inspected her face, having memorised the way Eve had taught her to put the makeup on. She was going to go to school, and nobody was going to know, and everything would be okay.

Not for the first time, Maggy wondered if she, in fact, _shouldn’t_ cover the bruises up. But the first voice rose and rose, higher and louder, sinister and intimidating, and she thought maybe that issue was a little too big to tackle tonight. She was tired.

She was so tired.

 

\--

 

**EMOFUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 7:12AM.**

 

**EMOFUCK:** charcoal just took a huge shit on my floor. i'm done

 

**JUDASISM:** HAAAA SUCKS TO BE YOU

 

**GOODLUCK:** Fuck off

 

**RUSLASER:** Cain why are you so mean to Judas?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Me??? Mean to him?? I think the fuck not

 

**JUDASISM:** he loves me too much to be mean to me lazarus

 

**GOODLUCK:** Stop saying that jesus

 

**JUDASISM:** it’s spelled “judas” but sure

 

**GOODLUCK:** god fucking DAMN IT

 

\--

 

**RUSLASER SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 11:43AM.**

 

**RUSLASER:** Isaac

**RUSLASER:** ISAAC THEY’RE FIGHTING AGAIN

**RUSLASER:** WITH ACTUAL FISTS

**RUSLASER:** SAMSON????????

 

**FIGHTCLUB:** Ah, fuck.

**FIGHTCLUB:** Why am I always the one that has to break up fights

 

**RUSLASER:** Well, your name IS “FIGHTCLUB”

 

**FIGHTCLUB:** Point

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 12:02PM.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** What is your problem with him?

 

**GOODLUCK:** He's got a big mouth and uses it in nasty insidious ways

 

**ISAACTLY:** ;)

 

**GOODLUCK:** DUDE STOP YALL ARE THE WORST

 

\--

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 4:25PM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** my face still hurts

 

**GOODLUCK:** Boo fucking hoo

 

**JUDASISM:** and i think you actually broke my finger

 

**GOODLUCK:** Wait really

 

**JUDASISM:** …

 

**GOODLUCK:** Yeah, well

**GOODLUCK:** You're really fuckin annoying, you know that?

 

**JUDASISM:** no reason to literally bash me up man

 

**GOODLUCK:** Uh, pretty sure you fought back quite hard?? I still have a major headache

 

**JUDASISM:** i didn't even do anything

 

**GOODLUCK:** You called me a fag, asshole

 

**JUDASISM:** don't use that word

**JUDASISM:** and no i did not you fucking liar

**JUDASISM:** i asked you if you thought eden was hot and you said “what the fuck? you think i'm gay?”

 

**GOODLUCK:** Exactly

 

**JUDASISM:** and then i said “maybe you are”

**JUDASISM:** WHICH IS IN NO WAY EQUIVALENT TO CALLING YOU THAT

 

**GOODLUCK:** Whatever

 

**JUDASISM:** what is your problem with being gay???

 

**GOODLUCK:** I don't have a problem with being gay

**GOODLUCK:** Because I'm not

 

**JUDASISM:** christ edens not even a GUY ffs

 

\--

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 4:29PM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** hey everyone, cain here is sucking some major ingrown repressed DICK

 

**GOODLUCK:** How about YOU go suck a major ingrown repressed dick

 

**JUDASISM:** GO SUCK YOUR OWN MAJOR INGROWN REPRESSED DICK

 

**FIGHTCLUB:** Gay

 

**JUDASISM:** oh, no. really?

**JUDASISM:** i've been infected with homosexuality. quickly, cure me with some holy water!

 

**MAGLEEN:** Honestly Judas and Cain

**MAGLEEN:** You two are always at eachother’s throats and I’m sick of it!

 

**EMOFUCK:** yeah just get a room you guys

 

**JUDASISM:** see if cain wasn't an internally homophobic dickwad i'd be open to that, but alas

 

**GOODLUCK:** Don't mock me, asshole

 

**JUDASISM:** whatever the fuck you want, babycakes

**JUDASISM:** happy to suck your dick anytime

 

**EMOFUCK:** keep it pg lads lazarus is like 7

 

**RUSLASER:** I’m sixteen

 

\--

 

**RUSLASER SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 6:42PM.**

 

**RUSLASER:** Are you and Maggy coming over on Wednesday?

 

**ISAACTLY:** Just me sorry. Maggy and eve are having “girl time”

 

**RUSLASER:** Oh, ok :)

**RUSLASER:** See you then and say hi to Maggy for me

 

**ISAACTLY:** Aight cool

 

\--

 

**EMOFUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 10:43PM.**

 

**EMOFUCK:** baby

**EMOFUCK:** hey babe

 

**FIGHTCLUB:** This is the group chat honey

 

**EMOFUCK:** oh

**EMOFUCK:** sorry for the #accidentalpetnames guys

 

**JUDASISM:** i feel soiled by your happy romance

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 9:01AM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Oh my god. I actually broke judas’ finger

 

**JUDASISM:** did you think i was joking, asshat??

 

**GOODLUCK:** KIND OF??!!

 

**JUDASISM:** yeah well i wasn't

 

**GOODLUCK:** I'm really sorry man

 

**JUDASISM:** it's okay

**JUDASISM:** i guess you could say it got

**JUDASISM:** o u t o f h a n d

 

**GOODLUCK:** Nevermind I’m not sorry anymore

 

\--

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 11:14AM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** isaac

**JUDASISM:** are you busy

 

**ISAACTLY:** ,, a little

**ISAACTLY:** Why? Tell me you and cain aren’t fighting again

 

**JUDASISM:** haha no

 

**ISAACTLY:** So..?

 

**JUDASISM:** ok i’m gonna tell you something cause you’re chill and you’re my best friend probably so

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’m your best friend? Aw

 

**JUDASISM:** shut up asshole

**JUDASISM:** but you can’t tell anyone else

**JUDASISM:** promise

 

**ISAACTLY:** If you killed someone I’d rather you didn’t tell me to be honest

**ISAACTLY:** Tell eve, she’ll help you hide the body

 

**JUDASISM:** dude im trying to be serious here

 

**ISAACTLY:** Then tell me man I’m all ears

 

**ISAACTLY:** You there??

 

**JUDASISM:** yeah sorry i had like a really long text typed out but it doesn’t really work so

**JUDASISM:** i think i’m gay??

 

**ISAACTLY:** Lol wow took you long enough

**ISAACTLY:** SORRY that was mean I’m sorry

**ISAACTLY:** But dude I mean its pretty obvious

 

**JUDASISM:** how??? i didn’t even realise until like, yesterday

**JUDASISM:** but certain things make sense now i guess

 

**ISAACTLY:** Like your huge crush on cain

 

**JUDASISM:** i do NOT have a crush on cain

**JUDASISM:** why would you even???

 

**ISAACTLY:** alright that make a little more time to realise but we’re making progress here

 

**JUDASISM:** haha whatever good joke

**JUDASISM:** do you think i should tell the others

 

**ISAACTLY:** Yeah totally

**ISAACTLY:** No one’s gonna react badly or anything

 

**JUDASISM:** except cain

 

**ISAACTLY:** Well

**ISAACTLY:** Well yeah

 

**JUDASISM:** and maybe lazarus

 

**ISAACTLY:** Nah lazarus isn’t anything like his parents

 

**JUDASISM:** ok

 

**ISAACTLY:** Just make sure you time it well, yeah?

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 2:12PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Yo… there’s a new kid

**GOODLUCK:** YOOOO

**GOODLUCK:** THE NEW KID JUST TRIPPED OVER MR SIMPSON HOLY SHIT

 

**JUDASISM:** guys i’m gay

 

**GOODLUCK:** OH MAN HE GOT A DETENTION

**GOODLUCK:** They could have suspended him for that

 

**GOODLUCK:** Wait what

 

**ISAACTLY:** See when I told you to time it well, Judas

**ISAACTLY:** Did you

**ISAACTLY:** Did you even GET that message

 

//

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 2:13PM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** MISTAKES HAVE BEEN MADE THE INTERNET WAS SLOW OH GOD

 

**ISAACTLY:** Yup

**ISAACTLY:** Hang on did cain just say that someone tripped over mr simpson??

 

//

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 2:13PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Did judas just come out to us

 

**JUDASISM:** yep i’ve finally realised why you saying your usual bullshit makes me SO mad!! it’s because i’m gay!!! (but also because it’s shitty and so are you)

**JUDASISM:** :))))))

**JUDASISM:** so i guess that means i have an EXTRA reason to bash you up if you say shitty things

 

**EMOFUCK:** 1, judas go you i support u, 2, yall private school kids have the weirdest fucking mentality about fighting jfc

 

**GOODLUCK:** You’re a private school kid

 

**EMOFUCK:** until last year i was a hardcore public school kid

 

**GOODLUCK:** Like the new kid in my math class

 

**JUDASISM:** cain, you haven’t said anything homophobic yet? am i dreaming???

 

**GOODLUCK:** Why, do you want me to???

 

**JUDASISM:** no i’m just confused

 

**GOODLUCK:** Me fuckin too. My friend, gay???

 

**EMOFUCK:** it’s more likely than u think

 

**JUDASISM:** cain we’re not friends

 

**EMOFUCK:** wait who’s this kid in your math class?

 

**RUSLASER:** Hello, good for you Judas

**RUSLASER:** Goodbye again I have science

 

**JUDASISM:** ok thanks bye

 

**GOODLUCK:** @eve his name’s azazel

 

**MAGLEEN:** Hey!!! Go Judas :)

**MAGLEEN:** Also yes, I just met new kid’s sister

 

**EMOFUCK:** AZAZEL???????????????????

**EMOFUCK:** OH CHRIST ALMIGHTY HELP ME JESUS WE ARE ALL SCREWED HE WENT TO MY LAST SCHOOL OH GOD

**EMOFUCK:** lilith is nice though

 

**MAGLEEN:** She is!!! She has really nice hair too

 

**EMOFUCK:** oh yeah

**EMOFUCK:** her and cain can form the eye issues squad

 

**GOODLUCK:** Eye issues??

 

**EMOFUCK:** yeah lilith is blind

 

**GOODLUCK:** Oh okay cool

 

//

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 2:17PM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** well cain is being weird but its all fine!! i assume

**JUDASISM:** samson hasn’t seen any of these messages yet

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’m sure it’s fine I gotta go now but it’s all good man!! Proud of you

 

**JUDASISM:** okay

**JUDASISM:** thanks i guess

**JUDASISM:** this is so weird maybe i should have kept it to myself for a little while longer

 

...

 

Isaac put his phone down and turned his attention to the project he was supposed to be working on. He was on a free period, sitting in the library alone. He’d managed to score the most comfortable chair, but his ribs still hurt from when his mom had whacked him with a Bible a few days ago.

Isaac was lucky. He had internet access, he had food (most of the time), he had friends. Plenty of kids had none of those things. But, Christ, his mom was a piece of work. He knew it was abuse, he knew it was bad, but every second kid at his school had shitty parents. He just had to learn to deal with it.

His phone buzzed a few more times on the table, but he didn’t pick it up. He just looked it over, this incredible object that was the last thing his dad had given him. His father had given him and his sister the devices secretly, which had been nice (even though their mom had found them eventually anyway). Isaac thought this was the reason he found it so hard to hate his dad - weren’t you supposed to hate your parent if they left you alone with an abuser? But he just couldn’t blame him, honestly. As soon as Maggy was 18, she was leaving, and he was going with her, no matter how much legal bullshit they had to go through.

His mom tried to take his phone away occasionally, but Isaac always fought back with every excuse he could find - even then, he dropped off the grid for a couple of days every now and then. He was glad Eve lived next door, so she could pop in and check if he was, y’know. Still alive.

Maggy had it worse than him. For some reason, his mom seemed to direct all her violence at his sister instead of him, which was really, really shit. Maggy was trying to get through her last year at school, and her most importantly exams - she shouldn’t have to worry about being hit in the head with a vase, or whatever was closest at hand.

Isaac tamped down the brewing anger inside him and tried to focus on the project again, but it was no use - Judas was gay, amen and hallelujah, but apparently unaware of the fact that he liked Cain. Or maybe he really _didn’t_ like Cain, but it seemed unlikely. He was always standing up to him, getting in his face, but sometimes Isaac would catch him staring at Cain with this weird expression.

Jesus Christ, Isaac didn’t understand crushes. He’d never had one, _never,_ and he was starting to think that maybe that was weirder than he originally thought. Pretty much everyone in his year had hooked up with someone at some point.

But anyway, fucking Cain was even _worse,_ always poking Judas with insults that he never meant, not really, and his puppy eyes were even _more_ obvious than Judas’, if that was possible. And yet, Judas didn’t seem to have noticed them. He must be blind.

Oh, wait, Cain only had one eye, oh my god-

That was probably insensitive on some level, but Isaac was past caring. He wanted to sleep. He wanted hot chocolate and his dad to read him a story, and he was in Year 11 but he didn’t give a damn, he just wanted everything to go back to the way it was in primary school. Before his mom’s accident, before her drinking started. Before the only bedtime story he could read was the Bible.

God, he was so fucking tired. Maybe he could get away with sleeping for a little while…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: i'm fucking crying. oh my god. i just realised that i mentioned maggy doing her HSC. although this is set in the usa, i said HSC out of habit (i'm an australian from NSW, we have the HSC not the SATs, or whatever y'all call them). sorry lol i edited it out it's fine now


	2. 48 hour energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judas and Cain are working towards something, but they could sure speed it the hell up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for an anxiety attack, mentions of underage drinking, lowkey pining, and repression. like, a LOT of repression.

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 3:30PM.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up

 

**MAGLEEN:** What’s wrong?

 

**ISAACTLY:** Shit shit I FELL ASLEEP IN THE LIBRARY

**ISAACTLY:** I MISSED AN ENTIRE PERIOD

**ISAACTLY:** MAGGY THEY’LL CALL MOM

 

**MAGLEEN:** I’ll talk to the attendance officer, it’s fine, calm down

 

**ISAACTLY:** F u c k

...

 

Judas began to walk home from school, his backpack heavy on his shoulders. He was wondering why Cain hadn’t been a dick. Well, he meant- well, Cain  _ was  _ a dick, but he wasn’t being a dick about Judas being gay.

Which was odd.

Judas tried not to dwell on it, but his brain was stuck. He kept coming back to it, to their conversation. To their  _ fight.  _

**“You haven’t said anything homophobic yet?”**

**“Why, do you want me to???”**

What did Cain  _ mean  _ by that? What was he trying to say? He’d always said homophobic things, he’d never- he’d never fucking  _ asked permission  _ before, what-

Judas growled and pulled out his phone. What the fuck was that guy on? He always found a way to get under Judas’ skin, and it was really quite fucking irritating.

 

//

 

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 3:39PM.**

 

**JUDASISM:** no i don’t

 

**GOODLUCK:** ?

 

**JUDASISM:** i don’t want you to say anything homophobic. ever again

 

**GOODLUCK:** Okay

 

**JUDASISM:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN “OKAY”???????!!!!

 

**GOODLUCK:** I mean okay, I won’t

 

**JUDASISM:** three years we have been fighting and been assholes to eachother while isaac tried to get us to be friends

**JUDASISM:** and now you’re like “oh, judas is gay? better not say anything that might offend him!”

**JUDASISM:** no, fuck you, what are you really doing?

 

**GOODLUCK:** …

**GOODLUCK:** What are YOU doing?

 

**JUDASISM:** ?

 

**GOODLUCK:** JESUS FUCK

 

...

 

Okay, so sue him. Judas wasn’t exactly looking where he was going. He wasn’t really taking notice of the fact that he’d dropped his bag on the sidewalk. And he definitely wasnt taking notice of the fact that it was not actually sidewalk that he was standing on, but a gas station entrance.

So, yes, there was a car with a very angry driver honking his horn at Judas, and yes, he managed to grab his bag and get out of the way, but that entire incident had nearly given him a heart attack. He was such an idiot. An idiot with no spatial awareness and anger issues, and a racing heart, shit, shit,  _ not here- _

He managed to get behind a building and flung his backpack down unceremoniously, his knees buckling beneath him. His hands twitched and shook, and his breathing turned erratic. He was fine, he was  _ safe, he was going to  _ **_die-_ **

He tried to control his breathing the way Eve had shown him once, but his deep breaths were shallower than his pockets. Judas brought his knees up to his chest and swallowed thickly, trying to make himself understand that he was going to be okay.

“Uh…” came a voice.

Judas’ head shot up, and he looked into the eyes of a seemingly concerned Cain.

“Are you alright? I saw you standing in the… yeah,” Cain bit his lip, and cautiously put down his bag.

Judas felt sick. He was already getting sick earlier, he’d felt the telltale signs at school, but now his anxiety was making him want to throw up.

“I, um,” Judas cleared his throat, “I don’t feel very well.”

“Are you getting sick again?” Cain raised an eyebrow, awkwardly kneeling in the dirt. He was close enough for Judas to touch, but only just. 

_ ‘Clearly he doesn’t want to get too close to a gay guy,’  _ Judas thought bitterly.

“Yeah,” Judas nodded, the simple action making him nauseous. He wanted to stand up and walk away. Stand up and walk away. Come on, legs, just stand up and walk away. It’s simple. 

“You have the most health problems I’ve ever heard of,” Cain huffed, “I wish I got as many days off as you do.”

“You really don’t,” Judas frowned, and Cain’s eyes widened.

“Oh, no- no, I didn’t mean,” Cain stammered, “Sorry, no. It must suck.”

Judas looked down at the dirt. He was going to have a stain on the ass of his best pair of school shorts now.  _ Shit. _

“Uh…” Cain began, and Judas prayed he was leaving, please say he’s leaving-

“Want me to walk you home?” Cain asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What?” Judas asked, confused.

“Nevermind,” Cain stood up, dusting himself off. He picked up his bag and put it on his back, groaning a little at how heavy it was.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he said quietly, glancing at the boy on the ground, “I hope you feel better.”

And then he walked away.

Judas watched Cain’s retreating back for a little while, feeling himself calm down. That had actually helped, which was pretty surprising. He reached for his phone in his pocket and saw that he had a few messages.

 

//

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 3:43PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Where did you go?

**GOODLUCK:** Are you ok

**GOODLUCK:** Jesus christ judas where are you

 

...

 

Judas smiled, before noticing his reflection in his phone screen. He really did look like complete shit. He should probably get home before he caught his death.

He picked his bag up, put it on his back, and started the walk to his house.

Maybe Cain wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO EMOFUCK AT 10:43PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Eve I need some advice

 

**EMOFUCK:** and you’re coming to ME for that?

 

**GOODLUCK:** You give great advice

 

**EMOFUCK:** hey remember when i told lazarus to ask that girl out???? yeah that ended really well didn’t it

 

**GOODLUCK:** Ok that was one time so I’m gonna forget about that one

**GOODLUCK:** Alright so

**GOODLUCK:** I may have said some things

**GOODLUCK:** To Isaac

**GOODLUCK:** Untrue, stupid things

**GOODLUCK:** Which I thought might have been true but definitely aren’t

**GOODLUCK:** And I may have said these things while I was drunk

 

**EMOFUCK:** this doesn’t sound good. continue

 

**GOODLUCK:** Now, when I say I drunk…

 

**EMOFUCK:** you mean upside-down on the couch talking about the universe with an equally drunk person from math b I KNOW, YOU MEAN YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY DRUNK

 

**GOODLUCK:** Yes. Very drunk

**GOODLUCK:** (It wasn’t math B. It was Rachel from my english class)

**GOODLUCK:** So I told Isaac some things and basically now I am questioning the last few years of my life

 

**EMOFUCK:** wait when did you tell isaac these things???

 

**GOODLUCK:** Like… the end of eighth grade?

 

**EMOFUCK:** WHY WERE YOU THAT SMASHED IN EIGHTH GRADE???????

 

**GOODLUCK:** Probably mostly because of the things I told Isaac

 

**EMOFUCK:** u know u gotta tell me right

**EMOFUCK:** i gotta know now

 

**GOODLUCK:** Why? They aren’t true so it doesn’t matter

 

**EMOFUCK:** well clearly it matters to you

 

**GOODLUCK:** Fine, so I went through a phase

 

**EMOFUCK:** OH. MY GOD.

**EMOFUCK:** YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY, DIDN’T YOU???

 

**GOODLUCK:** Okay shut the fuck up

 

**EMOFUCK:** I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE REPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REJOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**GOODLUCK:** I’m not repressed I’m NOT FUCKING GAY FOR FUCKS SAKE

 

**EMOFUCK:** haha okay mr straight guy so why are you telling me this?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Because I think Isaac maybe still thinks I’m gay, which I am NOT

 

**EMOFUCK:** oh wow. can’t imagine why he’d think that

 

**GOODLUCK:** Eve, please

**GOODLUCK:** I think Isaac has been trying to SET ME UP with Judas for the past 3 years

 

**EMOFUCK:** you have no idea how much i hope that’s true

 

**GOODLUCK:** But this raises several questions

**GOODLUCK:** How long has Isaac known Judas is gay?

**GOODLUCK:** How long has Judas known?

**GOODLUCK:** Eve. Fucking help me

 

**EMOFUCK:** are you drunk… right now?

 

**GOODLUCK:** I’m drunk on my tears, my mortality, and 48 hour energy

 

**EMOFUCK:** and how much 48 hour energy did you drink exactly

 

**GOODLUCK:** About 7 cans

 

**EMOFUCK:** cain… what the fuck

 

**GOODLUCK:** What if I really am gay

 

**EMOFUCK:** i really don’t think i’m the right person for you to be having this conversation with

 

**GOODLUCK:** You’re right. I should talk to Judas

 

**EMOFUCK:** NO NO DON’T DO THAT

**EMOFUCK:** TALK TO ISAAC

**EMOFUCK:** HEAR ME? I S A A C

 

**GOODLUCK:** Okay okay

**GOODLUCK:** But I gotta make sure Judas is ok first

 

**EMOFUCK:** who even are you

 

...

 

Cain wasn’t doing particularly well. He felt like he was… full of bees. He was  _ buzzing,  _ that was it, it was all the energy drink in his system that was making him feel  _ awake- _

Judas hadn’t looked very well. Judas had looked quite scared, actually. 

Judas. Dark skin, dark eyes, pretty much a permanent frown. His hair was wavy and Cain suddenly felt the urge to be able to run his fingers through it- that didn’t make him gay, did it? No. Surely not. He wasn’t gay.

There had been a time when he’d thought he was. And then he’d told Isaac, who was very accepting, and swore not to tell anyone. And then he’d told his dad, who had stared down at him with the darkest look imaginable.

“We all have those feelings now and again, Cain,” his father had said, “But they aren’t real. The gay lifestyle is a sin, and we don’t tolerate it. As long as you know that those feelings aren’t true, but are God’s test for your faith, you won’t fall into that trap.”

Those feelings weren’t real. That was the day Cain tried to believe, with all his heart, that he wasn’t gay.

And, in time, he wasn’t.

He told Isaac it had just been a phase and he told himself that too, everyday, in front of the mirror, as he dragged himself out of bed.

But maybe he couldn’t get out of it. Maybe, no matter how hard he believed, it just wasn’t enough.

Cain switched the light on in his room, the darkness scurrying away and the white blinding his eyes. Well, his eye. He glanced over at the mirror.

_ ‘You’re not gay,’  _ he thought. He heaved himself up off his bed and walked to his schoolbag, hoping to find the book he was meant to be finishing for English.

Instead, he found a math textbook and Shakespeare’s  _ Othello. _

_ ‘Shit,’  _ Cain thought,  _ ‘This is Judas’ bag.’ _

 

//

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 11:06PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Hey you’re probably not awake but I have your bag

 

**JUDASISM:** i’m awake

**JUDASISM:** oh, shit. i have yours here too

 

**GOODLUCK:** Are you feeling better

 

**JUDASISM:** a little bit

 

**GOODLUCK:** I’ll bring it over

 

**JUDASISM:** what?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Your bag, I’ll bring it over

 

**JUDASISM:** when?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Now

 

**JUDASISM:** its the middle of the night

 

**GOODLUCK:** But I’m still awake

 

**JUDASISM:** you don’t even know where my house is

 

**GOODLUCK:** Well, no

 

**JUDASISM:** just wait until tomorrow you dumbass

 

**GOODLUCK:** Where’s your house?

 

**JUDASISM:** 11 point avenue

 

**GOODLUCK:** Oh that’s not far

 

**JUDASISM:** yeah well i’ll see you tomorrow

 

**JUDASISM:** cain?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Whicchd windowds is yours

 

**JUDASISM:** oh my god. are you drunk?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Why does everybody keep asking me that

 

**JUDASISM:** well are you??

 

**GOODLUCK:** Not on alcohol

 

**JUDASISM:** cain. give me a straight answer. are you outside my house right now?

 

**GOODLUCK:** I’m not sure I can do anything straight at the moment

 

**JUDASISM:** i’m not letting you climb in the goddamn window, just wait a second, i’ll let you in

 

**GOODLUCK:** Won’t you wake your parents?

 

**JUDASISM:** they’re not home.

 

...

 

Cain wondered if Judas knew what he meant. He didn’t mean he couldn’t walk straight, or think straight. He meant that he actually maybe wasn’t straight, which was very scary, and suddenly Cain remembered why he’d been so drunk at that fucking party.

And he realised why Eve had told him to go to Isaac, not Judas. Judas was the reason he was so worried. Judas was why he was at a house he’d never been to in the middle of the night. 

Cain allowed himself exactly three seconds to imagine what being with Judas would be like. They’d look good together, they really would. Cain had pale skin dotted with hundreds of light freckles, and sandy blonde hair. He looked like the ultimate fuckboy, which was the perfect disguise for a probably gay guy - stop thinking that, stop it! He could touch Judas’ dark skin, run his fingertips over it like he was skimming water. He could, oh Jesus, stop it, stop it-

The door in front of him opened, and Cain realised he was still standing on Judas’ porch.

“Come on,” Judas waved him inside, “It’s fucking freezing out here.”

Cain hadn’t even noticed.

...

 

“Uh…” Judas said awkwardly, “So. Thanks. Here’s your bag.”

“Okay,” Cain rubbed his arms, feeling the cold a little more now.

“You’re shaking,” Judas remarked.

“That’ll be the 48 hour energy,” Cain nodded, disoriented. The lights were on in Judas’ house. Where were his parents?

“Why are you home alone?” Cain asked, before Judas could question him about the energy drink. 

“They’re at some party,” Judas walked into what seemed to be the living room. It was a nice house, actually, and Cain didn’t really know why that was surprising to him. He’d just never really imagined Judas’ home.

“So, why are you here?” Judas sat on the couch, and Cain took that as an invitation to do so as well. He sank into the leather and breathed deeply.

“Sorry, what?” Cain asked, slowly starting to feel the fatigue creeping into his bones.

“Christ, how much of that shit did you drink?” Judas asked.

“Seven cans,” Cain whispered, “You don’t look well.”

“Yeah, well, that’s cause I’m sick,” Judas rolled his eyes, and Cain caught the hint of a wince in his breath.

“Can I catch it?” Bells rang in Cain’s brain, but he ignored them. It was probably rude to ask that, but wasn’t it fair to be a little concerned? Seriously, Judas looked like he was about to drop dead.

“No,” Judas smiled sadly, “No, you can’t.”

“Okay,” Cain nodded.

“So?” Judas looked at him expectantly.

“Why am I here? Uh. Because I had your bag, dude,” Cain frowned.

“There has to be more to it than that, surely,” Judas smirked, “It’s almost midnight.”

“I…” Cain began. Judas really did have a point. Why  _ was  _ he here?

“I guess I came to tell you that I don’t care that you’re gay,” Cain stopped, seeing Judas’ raised brow, “Wait, no, like- I don’t  _ mind.” _

Judas stood up with a sigh, “Well, cool. Noted. Glad that Mr. High And Mighty doesn’t  _ mind  _ that I’m gay.”

“No, no,” Cain stood up as well, feeling the air change. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like that.

He reached out his hand and touched Judas’ arm.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Cain continued as Judas froze, “I’m sorry, I just- I…”

“You?” Judas turned slightly, eyes locked on Cain’s hand. Cain didn’t pull it away. 

“I don’t know why I was always such an asshole to you?” Cain knew it was a mistake as soon as he said it, because now Judas would want him to elaborate, and Cain really wasn’t up for that now that the 48 hour energy was leaving his system. Man, he really should have gone to the bathroom before he left his house.

“Okay,” Judas slowly moved his arm away from Cain, turning to face him. Cain was a lot taller, but he still felt intimidated by Judas’ intense gaze. Shit, they were standing too close. Was this too gay? This was definitely too gay.

Cain stepped back.

“Sorry, this was dumb, I’m really stupid,” he forced out, “I should leave, yeah?”

Judas gave him a sad look.

“Don’t forget your bag,” Judas turned away, flicking off the living room light, “And don’t get mugged on the way home, or anything.”

Cain sat on Judas’ porch for about an hour before the cold was too much to bear.


	3. hell demon, demon from hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cain is jealous, Keeper is briefly mentioned, and Isaac hates his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so we're starting to get into the story now!! kind of... i don't know why i posted these all on the same day but i did do that so i gotta keep writing now lol  
> this chapter's also a bit shorter sorry

 

**GOODLUCK ADDED DEMONKID TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 10:21AM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** this is azazel everyone

 

 **DEMONKID:** sup

 

 **EMOFUCK:** “sup” ??!!

 **EMOFUCK:** BITCH

 

 **DEMONKID:** oh my god.

 **DEMONKID:** your profile.

 **DEMONKID:** EVE????

 

 **EMOFUCK:** YOU BET YOUR SATANIC ASS

 

 **DEMONKID:** i’m no satanist

 

 **JUDASISM:** your user is “demonkid”

 **JUDASISM:** anyways what’s the beef between you two

 

 **EMOFUCK:** HE FUCKED MY BEST FRIEND

 

 **DEMONKID:** SINCE WHEN IS THAT ILLEGAL

 

 **EMOFUCK:** YOU BROKE HER HEART

 

 **DEMONKID:** OR THAT

 

 **EMOFUCK:** FUCK YOU

 

 **DEMONKID:** listen eve i’ve changed i’m a new man gimme a break

 

 **EMOFUCK:** one strike, you asshole, and you’re out

 **EMOFUCK:** break anyone’s heart (especially lazarus’) and i’ll kill you

 

 **DEMONKID:** fine.

 

 **RUSLASER:** Hang on, um. I’m not…?

 

 **EMOFUCK:** just roll with it.

 

…

 

Cain was waiting to buy food. He caught sight of a can of 48 hour energy sitting in the drinks fridge, and felt his stomach turn.

“So,” Isaac stood awkwardly beside Cain, “Why did you add Azazel to the chat?”

“He doesn’t have any friends,” Cain glanced at Isaac, “Was that… okay? To do that?”

“Um…” Isaac sighed, “I mean, yeah. He can’t see any of the previous messages. But…”

“But?” Cain prompted, reminding himself of the night before.

 _“You?”_ Judas had asked, and then Cain had given some bullshit excuse and left. God, he was a mess.

“I just don’t think I like him very much,” Isaac narrowed his eyes, looking at the ground.

“Oh my god,” Cain snickered, “You don’t like him? Get over it man, he’s just one of those bad boy types, you know?”

“He tripped a teacher over,” Isaac frowned, “And bad boy? What, you think he’s cool?”

“I think he’s alright,” Cain shrugged. Fuck, he just wanted to buy a chicken wrap and go sit down or something. Even though he should go and play football with the more popular guys, he just wanted to relax with the people who were actually his friends for once.

 _“We’re not friends,”_ Judas’ text echoed around in his brain. He shook his head slightly and stepped up to grab some food.

“Well, okay,” Isaac picked up a sandwich, “I guess I can give it a try. Are you guys playing football together at lunch?”

“Actually,” Cain began worriedly, “I was wondering if I could sit with you guys?”

“Yeah, sure,” Isaac grinned, but his face began to fall, “So… Azazel’s gonna sit with us?”

“Yeah, dude,” Cain smiled down at Isaac, “Don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine.”

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO RUSLASER AT 11:47AM.**

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Well that went about as well as expected

 

 **RUSLASER:** Aw, come on, it wasn’t that bad!

 **RUSLASER:** Azazel’s kinda funny!

 

 **ISAACTLY:** He’s going to end up killing us all one day

 **ISAACTLY:** And you’ll say “oh, remember how Isaac told us not to hang out with him? Yeah, we should have listened to him”

 

 **RUSLASER:** :/

 

\--

 

Cain’s mouth was dry.

Isaac had been right - it was a mistake to make friends with Azazel, but his reasoning was probably not the same as Isaac’s. Azazel had been jokingly flirting with Maggy, which Isaac was clearly uncomfortable with, and Cain didn’t blame him. Cain knew that the copious amounts of “sexy makeup” (Azazel’s words, not his) were to cover up bruises, not to “seduce hot guys.” Azazel even flirted with Eve, which made Samson laugh and Eve snarl like a rabid dog.

All that Cain was fine with. Azazel was just having a joke around, no one was getting hurt.

And then… and then.

Cain scribbled out the sum he’d been trying to figure out for about ten minutes. He couldn’t get it out of his head. There was a pit in his stomach that burned green, and he was trying to put it out, trying so goddamn hard.

Azazel had flirted with Judas.

And Judas had flirted _back._

Everyone else seemed to be just as shocked as Cain. First of all: they were at a very conservative private school, if anyone heard them… and second- well, second-

Cain didn’t understand why he was so angry, but he was. He was _so_ angry. Why was Judas doing that? Why was he-

Cain took a deep breath, realising he was about to snap the pen he was holding. He decided to chew on it instead (yeah, he knew it was gross, old habits die hard).

Logically, Judas had every right to flirt with whoever he wanted, as did Azazel (wait, did that make Azazel bi?). Judas could _date_ whoever he wanted, Cain (theoretically) shouldn’t give a shit. But he did, and it hurt. There were so many thoughts swirling around in his head, and he could barely think.

Cain ripped a page out of the back of his math book and began to make a list.

 

//

 

**JUDAS:**

  * gay
  * flirting with azazel
  * LIKES AZAZEL?



**CAIN:**

**AZAZEL:**

  * flirting with judas
  * maybe likes judas?



**ISAAC:**

  * knew judas was gay before anyone else?
  * (how long did he know for?)



 

//

 

Ah, God. This wasn’t helping. Cain bit down a little too hard on his pen and felt the plastic break under his teeth. Ink filled his mouth, a disgusting chemical taste, and he shot his hand into the air.

“Uh, mih?” He said, trying not to swallow, “Mih Newton?”

“Yes, Cai- oh, wow,” Miss Newton was the best teacher in the school, “That’s… uncomfy. Go wash your mouth out, kid.”

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 1:53PM.**

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Cain why are you out of class?

 **ISAACTLY:** And what’s up with your mouth?

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I HAVE INK IN MY FUCKING MOUTH

 

 **JUDASISM:** fucking why???

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I BIT DOWN ON MY PEN TOO HARD OH SHIT THIS IS SO GROSS

 

 **EMOFUCK:** yeah that happened to me once

 **EMOFUCK:** haven’t chewed on a pen since

 

 **RUSLASER:** Didn’t the kid that died last year always chew on pens too?

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Oh yeah. What was his name?

 

**JUDASISM:** _XXXXXXX_

 

 **RUSLASER:** That’s right

 **RUSLASER:** I wonder how he really died

 

 **ISAACTLY:**?? He had a car accident didn’t he?

 

 **RUSLASER:** Well that’s what they told everybody but you can’t help wondering, you know?

 

 **JUDASISM:** quite the sherlock holmes, aren’t you?

 **JUDASISM:** i thought the only thing you found interesting was isaac and video games

 

 **RUSLASER:** That’s not very nice

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Get bloody used to it

 **GOODLUCK:** Judas isn’t nice to anybody

 **GOODLUCK:** Except Azazel apparently

 

 **DEMONKID:** you called

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Stop looking at your phone you’re in class

 **GOODLUCK:** Hang on aren’t you ALL supposed to be in class?

 

 **EMOFUCK:** give me a break we’re not doing anything in art

 

 **ISAACTLY:** I have a free period

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Well I got all the ink out of my mouth so I’m going back to class so I don’t get detention for the next ten years

 **GOODLUCK:** Like a good student

 **GOODLUCK:** Unlike yall

 

 **JUDASISM:** teacher’s pet

 

\--

 

 _ERROR:_ Excuse me? Hello?

_Message not received._

 

…

 

Maggy smiled at her phone screen. Her brother’s friend were ridiculous. She guessed they were her friends, too - Isaac was her best friend, really. Eve was probably her best friend as well, but she really considered her the sister she never had.

She put her phone back in her pocket and considered her options. She could continue to try and study in the quiet, almost empty classroom with her unattentive teacher (maybe), she could go home and try to study there (haha, fuck no), or she could listen to music and just try and relax for a moment.

She decided on the last option. She was too worn out to work anymore.

Maggy put her earphones in and rested her head on the table, pressing play on the volume controller, and let the music fill her ears.

_New York, I love you, but you’re bringing me down…_

_New York, I love you, but you’re bringing me down…_

_Like a rat in a cage,_

_Pulling minimum wage,_

_New York, I love you, but you’re bringing me down…_

Maggy had never had a job. She’d never been allowed to apply for one or had even dared to ask her mother about it. Whenever Isaac nervously mentioned Cain’s job at McDonald’s, or Eve’s job at the local craft store, their mother always scowled.

“He’ll fall into sin,” she seemed to think that all of Isaac’s friends were incredibly holy, “And she’ll meet some nice man who’ll turn out to be a terrible waste of air.”

Maggy knew she was talking about their father, but she tried to avoid thinking about that.

The notion that Isaac’s friends (Maggy’s friends?) were holy, though - that was a cracking joke. Maggy had interrupted Eve and Samson making out once, and that was certainly not holy, and she knew that Eve had… well, she definitely wasn’t a virgin.

Cain had a girlfriend at one point, though Maggy wasn’t sure if they’d... and Judas, well. Her mother definitely wouldn’t think he was holy if she knew of recent revelations. Azazel went without saying, but their mother didn’t know that Isaac and Maggy were acquainted with him yet. Lazarus _was_ quite holy, she supposed, but Maggy had heard him swear once when he’d dropped something. She’d sworn not to tell anybody. Not that swearing was necessarily a gauge of how holy you were.

And Isaac… well, he was…

Maggy couldn’t quite put her finger on what Isaac was.

He was kind, and the best brother anyone could ask for. He wasn’t evil, but he wasn’t particularly angelic - Maggy guessed Isaac was simply human, and that was enough for her. It should have been enough for anybody, but Isaac had never shown the slightest interest in anyone romantically. Maybe that was just how he worked.

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 1:46PM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Keeper is pretty goddamn weird

 

 **RUSLASER:** What’s keeper?

 

 **GOODLUCK:** HAHA DUDE

 **GOODLUCK:** KEEPER IS A GUY IN OUR YEAR

 

 **RUSLASER:** Oh… oops!

 

 **JUDASISM:** fuck off cain he’s alright

 **JUDASISM:** you can’t just say shit like that

 

 **MAGLEEN:** YOU CAN’T JUST ASK PEOPLE WHY THEY’RE WHITE

 

 **EMOFUCK:** DAMMIT MAGGY YOU BEAT ME TO IT

 **EMOFUCK:** but hey you finally watched mean girls!!!

 

 **MAGLEEN:** Yeah!! It was really funny

 

 **EMOFUCK:** all yall should watch mean girls

 

 **GOODLUCK:** It’s a chick flick

 

 **JUDASISM:** i’ll have you know that mean girls is a cinematic masterpiece, asshole

 **JUDASISM:** catch these hands

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Of course you say that

 

 **JUDASISM:** THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Woah woah chill he didn’t mean it that

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Oh I definitely meant it like that

 

…

 

Cain definitely did not mean it like that.

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 1:49PM.**

 

 **ISAACTLY:** And here I thought we were making progress.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I hate his guts

 **GOODLUCK:** I’m gonna kill him

 

 **ISAACTLY:** I’m getting deja vu.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** He just really pisses me off Isaac

 **GOODLUCK:** Why????

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Right now? You’re angry at him because he flirts with Azazel but doesn’t flirt with you

 

 **GOODLUCK:** That’s ridiculous

 

 **ISAACTLY:** FUCKING WAKE UP CAIN!! I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH YOUR PUPPY-EYED SHIT FOR YEARS I CAN’T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Isaac wait

 **GOODLUCK:** What do you mean??

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Isaac?????

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I won’t fight him I swear I won’t

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Oh god where did you go????????

 

…

 

Isaac couldn’t handle this anymore. His friends accepted him and accepted his shitty life like it was a part of him, but it _wasn’t!_ His mom sucked ass and he wanted out, and he wanted Cain and Judas to sort out their shit because he was sick of dealing with their crap, and he wanted Azazel to just fuck off, really, and he wished he knew what was wrong with him.

He didn’t love anybody, not like that. He’d never been jealous or bitter, he’d never had nervous butterflies over talking to a girl. And he was so fucking lonely that he felt like there was a huge emptiness inside him, and if he didn’t fill it with a girlfriend and Valentine’s Day and kids - eventually, and divorce - probably, he didn’t know what he was going to do with his life.

Isaac hit the side of the sink with the palms of his hands. The bathroom mirror was warped and dirty because their school spent all their money on dumb religious shit, or equally pretentious dumb crap (they seemed to forget that pride was a sin).

Isaac stared into his eyes, felt the weight of his life on his shoulders, and let out an audible groan. It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! this is kinda just a taste of what's to come, but this story is gonna get LIT  
> prq out


	4. the kids in the wires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoyoyo so we're kinda getting into the story even more, cain is so gay ahahahhahahbajrbhfajerhve this is the most repressed thing i've ever written and i've written book of mormon fic.  
> okay so yes i wrote this on a car trip and it's mostly unbeta'd but this is the only opportunity i have to post it so here we go!!

******MAGLEEN SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 6:32PM.**

 

**MAGLEEN:** Hey it's Isaac

 

**GOODLUCK:** JESUS FUCK

 

**//**

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO MAGLEEN AT 6:32PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** Still Isaac??

 

**MAGLEEN:** Yes

 

**GOODLUCK:** Where did you go???

 

**MAGLEEN:** I left

**MAGLEEN:** And then I went to my last period

**MAGLEEN:** And then I went home and stole my sister’s phone because my account got hacked

 

**GOODLUCK:** I was really worried about you man

**GOODLUCK:** I didn't realise Judas and I fighting bothered you that much

**GOODLUCK:** And hang on, your account got hacked?

 

**MAGLEEN:** Yep. Can't log in

 

**GOODLUCK:** Sure you didn't just forget your password? You can be a real dumbass sometimes so

 

**MAGLEEN:** A) screw you, b) nah there's something very weird about it

**MAGLEEN:** And you know now I’m thinking about it Lazarus was right, there was something strange about that kid’s death actually

 

**GOODLUCK:** Ah, spooky

**GOODLUCK:** Maybe XXXXXXX hacked into your account from behind the grave

 

**MAGLEEN:** Don't you mean beyond the grave?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Whatever

 

\--

 

**??? SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 6:33PM.**

 

**???:** Hello.

**???:** Can you help me?

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 7:12PM.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’M BACK BUT MY MOM’S ABOUT TO TAKE MY PHONE SHIT

 

**JUDASISM:** what did you do?

 

**ISAACTLY:** Nothing, as per usual

**ISAACTLY:** Listen I got this really weird message 

**ISAACTLY:** EVE I’M COMING OVER TO USE YOUR COMPUTER

**ISAACTLY:** MAGGY’S COMING TOO I’M NOT LEAVING HER HERE

 

**EMOFUCK:** sure come on in while i’m jacking off why don’t you

 

**FIGHTCLUB:** Eyes front, Isaac

 

**ISAACTLY:** Damn right, I’m not taking either of you on

 

**JUDASISM:** CHRIST UHHHH

**JUDASISM:** WHAT HAPPENED TO KEEPING IT PG

 

**RUSLASER:** TMI EVE OH LORD

 

**JUDASISM:** pfft nevermind lol lazarus trying not to swear is the cutest

 

**RUSLASER:** I’m literally only one year younger than you

 

**GOODLUCK:** For once I agree with Judas

**GOODLUCK:** You look about 12

 

**RUSLASER:** :/

 

**JUDASISM:** he agrees with me

**JUDASISM:** it’s a miracle

 

\--

 

_ ERROR:  _ Why doesn’t this work?

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ God fucking damn it.

_ Message not received. _

 

… 

 

Judas grinned at his phone screen before tucking it into the pocket of his hoodie. It was only seven at night, but he was already so tired. He guessed it was because he was sick.

The doctor hadn’t told him what it was, only his parents. Judas was pretty sure doctors weren’t supposed to do that, but whatever. If the doctor didn’t want to have to tell him, then Judas was pretty sure he didn’t want to know.

At first, his parents had really cared - they’d tucked him into bed and kissed his forehead and told him they loved him.  Then it had sunken in that this was a long-term commitment.  Judas supposed that maybe this was their way of coping for a while (going out, getting drunk, coming home late, sometimes even with other people). He’d hoped that it wouldn’t last long, that their “parental instincts” or whatever would kick in, and they’d realise that their son couldn’t take care of himself without any help, especially not when he was sick.

But it had been months, now.

Judas guessed it had something to do with his immune system, his illness, seeing as he got a head full of cotton stuffing whenever someone sneezed near him. Or maybe it was cancer. He didn’t know if it was terminal or not, but he thought it probably was.  He’d had to do a lot of guessing about this. He didn’t know if he was going to drop dead in a month, or a day, or a year. He didn’t know, whenever he had an anxiety attack, whether it really  _ was  _ anxiety, or whether his heart was failing. How was he supposed to know if his head hurt because of a headache, or because he was dying? He didn’t know what dying felt like. 

Shit.

He’d told Cain it wasn’t contagious, but honestly, he didn’t know. He wasn’t feeling physically sick at the time, though, so he wasn’t really talking about whatever mysterious illness he had. He was mostly talking about depression.  Fuck, he was so depressed.  He’d never even been diagnosed with it, not like he’d been diagnosed with anxiety at 11. But he knew, he  _ knew  _ what he was feeling now was depression, something in his gut told him so.

What else could make you feel so empty and existential one moment and so full of blinding, absolute pain the next? Or maybe… maybe it was just a side effect of his illness. Or maybe he was faking it, to get attention? But how was he getting attention if he never told anybody, not his parents, not Isaac?  There was so much doubt in his life, and he really didn’t want the doubt to-

But it did. He knew it would.

As soon as he came out, as soon as he realised, the doubt was there.  Was he  _ really  _ gay? Maybe he’d just never found a girl he liked yet. Maybe it was just a phase! Maybe Tom Felton really was just an “aesthetically pleasing” guy.

No, who was he kidding? He was definitely gay.

Oh, god. Maybe he had actually been contagious. Maybe he should tell Cain that he might actually get sick. But... h e didn’t want to talk to Cain right now. He wanted to stay at home and not go to school tomorrow. He was sick enough. His parents wouldn’t care.  His mind made up, Judas decided to go to bed and attempt to sleep it off, “it” being depression, sickness, and guilt.

 

**\--**

 

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 8:43AM.**

 

**DEMONKID:** a) what was the weird message?

**DEMONKID:** b) what even happens in this chat i don’t understand half the things that go on

**DEMONKID:** c) WHO’S THE KID WITH THE WHITE HAIR????

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’ll tell you guys later about the message

**ISAACTLY:** I haven’t replied to it yet but the person has kept sending them so

 

**JUDASISM:** the kid with the white hair?

**JUDASISM:** you mean eden?

 

**DEMONKID:** oh my god. they are

 

**JUDASISM:** weird? attractive? fucking psycho? lay it on me, i’ve heard them all

 

**DEMONKID:** THAT KID IS THE HOTTEST PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN. TAKE ME NOW

 

**JUDASISM:** yep i’ve even heard that before

**JUDASISM:** if a little less enthusiastic

 

**GOODLUCK:** What is with people thinking Eden is hot? They are not hot

 

**JUDASISM:** eden is incredibly hot you are just (quite literally) half blind

 

**GOODLUCK:** Fuck you

**GOODLUCK:** And I guess they’re just not really my type??

 

**JUDASISM:** you have a TYPE???

**JUDASISM:** i thought you just threw yourself at whatever girl looked your way

 

**GOODLUCK:** Well eden’s not a girl so

 

**JUDASISM:** ah, so it’s the nonbinary thing that freaks you out

 

**GOODLUCK:** No no I’m not “freaked out” by it

**GOODLUCK:** I wouldn’t have a problem dating a nonbinary person I just am generally not attracted to Eden

 

**JUDASISM:** doth mine eyes deceive me????

**JUDASISM:** did you just say you wouldn’t have a problem with dating a nonbinary person?????

 

**GOODLUCK:** Uh

**GOODLUCK:** I mean like I’m not gay or anything

**GOODLUCK:** I don’t know

**GOODLUCK:** What am I supposed to say here?

 

//

 

_ ERROR:  _ Oh, wow. I have no idea where I am, or even who I am, but I know one thing. This kid is gay.

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ Aw, come on. Give me a break.

_ Message not received. _

 

//

 

**JUDASISM:** well that’s the most repressed thing i’ve ever heard anyone say

**JUDASISM:** @azazel good luck wooing eden

 

**EMOFUCK:** who says “wooing’ anymore???

 

\--

 

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 10:12AM.**

 

**ISAACTLY:** You know I really do think you were onto something, Lazarus

 

**RUSLASER:** ?

 

**ISAACTLY:** Well I’m thinking back and all they told us about the car accident was that the kid had died in it. Like that’s literally it no other details

 

**GOODLUCK:** Dude

**GOODLUCK:** Stop going on about it there’s nothing even interesting about this

 

**ISSACTLY:** It IS interesting though… like XXXXXXX didn’t have any friends or anything, people just know him as “the kid that died”

**ISAACTLY:** I’m trying to think back to if I ever even talked to him or anything

 

**RUSLASER:** That’s exactly what I was trying to tell you guys!

**RUSLASER:** I think I tried to talk to him once and he seemed so shocked that I’d even engaged with him that he was looking around for a way out

**RUSLASER:** He just looked sort of… lost

 

**GOODLUCK:** Yeah alright you conspiracy theorists

 

**JUDASISM:** have fun at school losers

 

\--

 

**MAGLEEN ADDED SEENOEVIL TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 12:43PM.**

 

**MAGLEEN:** This is Lilith everybody!

 

**EMOFUCK:** hey lil!!

 

**SEENOEVIL:** Oh, hello Eve.

 

**GOODLUCK:** Pfft nice username 

 

**SEENOEVIL:** Well then.

 

**GOODLUCK:** No wait that sounded rude I mean I only have one eye so

 

**SEENOEVIL:** Right…

 

**GOODLUCK:** I’m gonna leave now

 

**JUDASISM:** yeah buddy i think that’s a good idea

 

**GOODLUCK:** Fuck you, Judas

 

**JUDASISM:** maybe later ;)

**JUDASISM:** ((provided i’m “””your type””” oh my god that’s still funny))

 

**GOODLUCK:** No sarcastic comments. You’re supposed to be sick

 

**JUDASISM:** my physical health deteriorates, not my sass, cain

 

**RUSLASER:** Hi Lilith! I’m Lazarus

**RUSLASER:** I’m in tenth grade so

 

**SEENOEVIL:** Oh, cool.

 

**DEMONKID:** HEY SIS WANNA HELP ME SEDUCE A HOT PERSON

 

**SEENOEVIL:** I won’t dignify that with a response.

 

//

 

_ ERROR:  _ Maybe if I can message them individually somehow?

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ I didn’t write that. Did I?

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ I don’t understand how this works.

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ Oh, fuck. If there’s a God out there, now would be a really good time to help me out.

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** Hello?

 

_ ERROR:  _ HOLY. SHIT. THANK YOU JESUS

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ How was that not RECEIVED???!!!

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** Ignore the error message. I am receiving you, the others are not.

 

_ ERROR:  _ Who are you?

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** I… don’t know. I know that I hacked into Isaac’s account and accidentally locked him out.

 

_ ERROR:  _ So that’s what that was about.

_ Message not received. _

_ ERROR:  _ You… don’t know?

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** Yes.

**???:** I am receiving all of Isaac’s messages but not through the usual interface. I am viewing the code. 

**???:** That’s why I can see your messages. I am terribly sorry that it took me so long to make contact with you. I was… attempting to figure out something.

 

_ ERROR:  _ Uh. Okay? What were you trying to figure out? Why can’t these guys see my messages? They’re from my school, I think. I remember Lazarus. Vaguely.

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** I was trying to figure out what you are.

**???:** Are you some kind of malfunctioning spambot? But that doesn’t make sense. You seem clever… has someone successfully created AI? Did I miss the memo?

 

_ ERROR:  _ Haha okay dude. I’m a normal kid, not a robot.

_ Message not received. _

 

**???:** A normal kid hey? Well then, I have a question for you...

**???:** How did you get here?

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 1:58PM.**

 

**GOODLUCK:** I fucked up

 

**JUDASISM:** oh man, today is just not your day.

 

**GOODLUCK:** SHUT UP I MIGHT ACTUALLY NEED YOUR HELP HERE

 

**JUDASISM:** christ ok?????

 

**ISAACTLY:** What happened?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Okay so. Isaac. Rachel.

 

**ISAACTLY:** Rachel. The one you got really drunk with once?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Not necessary to mention in this chat but yes, the one I got really drunk with.

 

**JUDASISM:** Wow. Is Rachel your type?

 

**GOODLUCK:** I don’t think so.

**GOODLUCK:** But apparently she does not know this.

 

**JUDASISM:** why are you speaking like you have a stick up your ass?

 

**GOODLUCK:** Because I am freaking out.

 

**JUDASISM:** are you okay?????

 

**GOODLUCK:** Why do you care?

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’m sure we’d all love to hear the answer to that question, but now is not the time.

**ISAACTLY:** So, Cain? Why are you freaking out?

 

**GOODLUCK:** So Rachel and I are working on a science project together.

 

**JUDASISM:** Ah, young love.

 

**GOODLUCK:** SERIOUSLYSHUTTHEFUCKUP

**GOODLUCK:** Ok. So.

**GOODLUCK:** Today I found out that she hadn’t finished her half of it.

 

**EMOFUCK:** so light a fire under her ass, what’s the problem here? my phone is blowing up with useless white boy talk.

 

**JUDASISM:** i am a part of this conversation eve

 

**EMOFUCK:** my mistake. useless TEEN boy talk.

 

**JUDASISM:** i’ll take it.

 

\--

 

**JUDASISM CREATED A CHAT AT 2:02PM.**

**JUDASISM NAMED THE CHAT “USELESS TEEN BOY TALK”.**

**JUDASISM ADDED GOODLUCK AND ISAACTLY TO THE CHAT.**

 

**JUDASISM:** proceed

 

**GOODLUCK:** Oh god fuck what do I do

 

**ISAACTLY:** You still haven’t told us what happened, man

 

**GOODLUCK:** Right. 

**GOODLUCK:** So I spent a free period in the library with her.

 

**JUDASISM:** ;)

 

**ISAACTLY:** Not an entire period, though. You still have 20 minutes left?

 

**GOODLUCK:** No, not an entire period, because I ran away.

 

**JUDASISM:** sorry, you WHAT

 

**GOODLUCK:** SHE MADE A MOVE ON ME

**GOODLUCK:** AND IDK WHY BUT I FREAKED OUT AND PUSHED HER OFF ME

 

**JUDASISM:** pushed her off you??? she was ON you????

 

**GOODLUCK:** Yes

**GOODLUCK:** And she said “what? I thought you liked me?”

 

**JUDASISM:** you and me both, rachel

 

**ISAACTLY:** Refraining from sarcasm would be useful right now, Judas.

 

**JUDASISM:** i live to serve.

 

**GOODLUCK:** And I may or may not have said, in my infinite wisdom

 

**ISAACTLY:** I’m not looking forward to this.

 

**GOODLUCK:** “Sorry… I’m gay?”

 

**JUDASISM:** YOU WHAT NOW

 

**GOODLUCK:** I KNOW

 

**ISAACTLY:** Well done Cain. Your subconscious spoke for you

 

**JUDASISM:** what happened to not being sarcastic?

 

**ISAACTLY:** Oh well

 

**GOODLUCK:** What am I supposed to do???

 

**JUDASISM:** pray she doesn’t tell anyone. being gay tends to ruin your chances with girls.

 

**GOODLUCK:** But I’m NOT GAY

 

**ISAACTLY:** Then why did you SAY THAT TO HER DUMBASS

 

**JUDASISM:** i’m loving this new isaac. isaac 2.0. isaac: sassy version.

 

**GOODLUCK:** BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT JUDAS AND AZAZEL AND EDEN AND STUFF IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED

 

**ISAACTLY:** You were thinking about Judas...

 

**GOODLUCK:** Don’t read too much into that.

 

**ISAACTLY:** Oh, I’m definitely reading into it.

 

… 

 

Cain sat on the porch of Judas’ house again. It was only 5 in the evening, but the amount of noise coming from inside the house (keyboard clacks and glasses clinking together, along with the occasional set of footsteps) told Cain that Judas’ parents had already left for the night. Or maybe Judas was asleep, and one of his parents was home? Or maybe his parents weren’t home yet. They were both still at work, yes, surely - and that meant that Cain had to  _ leave.  _ But he couldn’t make himself stand up.

Had Judas been home alone all day? Was he lonely? No, that was stupid, Judas was fine. Wasn’t he?

Cain had gone the rest of that day without any messages from him. No personal ones, and none in the group chat. He felt ashamed and sad and tired and kind of angry with himself but most of all…  most of all Cain felt like he’d let Judas down somehow.  So, like an idiot, Cain had gone home and gotten drunk. That’s why he was being an apologetic mess outside Judas’ house, rehearsing what he was going to say, mumbling to himself, breath smelling bitter and strong.

“I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t use sexuality as a defence- or a, a- wait, don’t girls do that sometimes? Fuck, hang on…” Cain whispered to himself, feeling the sun start to behind the suburban horizon.

“How long have you been here?” 

Cain’s head shot up from where it had been resting on his hands, and his neck audibly cracked, a warm pain spreading through his muscles.

“Uh… not  _ that  _ long,” Cain laughed awkwardly, rubbing his neck.

Judas looked down at him expectantly.

“Oh, uh, right- I, um. Came to apologise. For what I said to Rachel,” Cain bit his lip, and he thought he saw Judas’ eyes flicker down to his mouth - maybe it was a trick of the light.

And, oh, speaking of the light.

The door behind Judas was just cracked open, darkness spreading out from it, and the sun setting behind Cain framed Judas’ features in gold. He was so beautiful.  Wait, no that was  _ really  _ gay, maybe this is what happened to  _ everyone _ when they got drunk, and nobody talked about it? Yeah, that… that made sense. Didn’t it?

“Why would you apologise to me?” Judas asked, dark eyes glinting in the orange sun, “Go apologise to Rachel.”

“But…” 

Cain took a deep breath, and then scrapped his entire bullshit speech.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Cain watched with a fond sort of horror as Judas’ vaguely concerned expression morphed into raised eyebrows and a shit-eating grin.

“You were  _ worried _ about me?” Judas smirked, and Cain felt something unfolding like some sort of origami in his chest.

“Pfft, what? No,” He blustered, feeling his cheeks heat up. Oh, he was so fucked. He didn’t fully understand what was happening right now, probably due to the whiskey, but he knew he was completely, inevitably, and wholly understandably _,_ _screwed._

“Did you want to come in?” Judas asked, stepping backwards and opening his front door more. In all the years they’d known eachother, this was still only the second time Cain had been to Judas’ house. He wasn’t about to pass up the chance.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, practically staggering in and closing the door, treating his ears to Judas’ musical laugh. Had his laugh always been that nice? Surely not. Had he been missing out on something? Maybe he should be drunk  _ all  _ the time.

“Wow,” Judas rolled his eyes, heading to the kitchen, “Let’s get you sobered up.”

Cain managed to find a chair to sit on as the world spun around him. Cain sat, and as he sat, he acknowledged something. It accumulated in his mind with that fond, cloudy sort of presence that only occurs when you’ve had far too much to drink.  


Judas was increasingly nice to look at. Maybe Cain really had just been half-blind before, but he thought now that (no matter how unintentionally) he’d maybe found “his type.” Smooth skin and curly brown hair, tiger’s eyes and pupils as dark and deep as the bottomless pit. He could fall into those and never come out.

_ Come out. _

That thought jolted Cain back into reality. Okay, so he was observing how Judas looked. He was beautiful, in an aesthetic sense,  _ purely platonically _ \- Cain was just being appreciative! 

“You’re staring,” Judas said thoughtfully.

“Sorry,” Cain replied, and continued to do so.

“You’re… still staring,” Judas raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth curling upwards.

“Yeah,” Cain breathed, and pulled his eyes away. A knot was forming in his stomach and he knew what it was, he did, but he  _ couldn’t- _

There was a glass of water sitting in front of him, placed on the kitchen table.

“Drink,” Judas sighed, “And then I’ll make you a sandwich or something. Then sleep it off, yeah?”

“Sleep?” Cain asked, bringing the glass to his lips, “Where?”

“Here,” Judas swallowed, almost nervously, “You can’t go home like this. How did you even get over here this drunk?”

“I have an…  _ excellent  _ sense of direction,” Cain murmured.

Judas turned back to the fridge, and something small and fragile - Cain’s heart, maybe - cried out for him to come back. 

“I have to go home, though,” Cain began, and Judas turned back around, “I have to go before my parents find me, like. Like this.”

Judas pursed his lips, “Well, then I’ll take you home.”

“On your  _ motorbike?”  _ Cain grinned, downing the rest of his water, “While I’m smashed?”

“Not as much to clean up if you decide to eject your stomach contents,” Judas huffed.

Oh, fuck yeah. Motorbike ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it??? i'm still on the fence about the ghost thing lol  
> anyways, please, please leave a comment! it makes my day talking to people on ao3 because everyone's so goddamn nice!! have a nice night/day everyone  
> prq out


	5. identity crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GOODLUCK: What if I’m gay???
> 
> ISAACTLY: Well this is familiar. Are you drunk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! okay so i have discovered my major problem with formatting from ao3/google docs. it's too late to change now, but i will probably change it for all of my fics in the future. so, sorry about how weird it looks on this site ://  
> also, please enjoy! if you have any questions please head over to @dep-op-ex-pression on tumblr to ask me (can be about headcanons, the plot, any future things i have planned for this fandom or others, or whatever you want really).

******GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 9:24PM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Ok so I know that your mom gave your phone back

 **GOODLUCK:** So please tell me you’re still up

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Fuck you want now

 

 **GOODLUCK:** What if I’m gay???

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Well this is familiar. Are you drunk?

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I was, but I’m not anymore, I don’t think

 **GOODLUCK:** My head hurts. Like a bitch

 

 **ISAACTLY:** That does tend to happen, you know

 

 **GOODLUCK:** God, you’re turning into Judas

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Hopefully you don’t want to bang me

 

 **GOODLUCK:** STOP IT

 **GOODLUCK:** WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

 

 **ISAACTLY:** Cain I am trying to be patient with you but here we go I’m gonna lay it out for you

 **ISAACTLY:** You’re gay. You are completely and utterly in love with Judas. You’re repressing that because a) you think your family won’t accept you, which isn’t a completely ridiculous notion, and b) you think that Judas doesn’t reciprocate, which IS a completely ridiculous notion.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I don’t want this

 **GOODLUCK:** Can’t I stop it somehow

 

 **ISAACTLY:** No. You can’t.

 **ISAACTLY:** And I know your plans for the night now consist of getting drunk all over again and crying yourself to sleep but here’s some better advice: put your phone down and go to bed, right now. And in the morning, you can talk to Judas. Face to face.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Okay

 **GOODLUCK:** Thanks man

 **GOODLUCK:** For putting up with all of my shit

 

 **ISAACTLY:** …

 **ISAACTLY:** Jesus christ, I just realised I’m the mom friend.

 

//

 

 _ERROR:_ Who am I? Who are you? Please, you have to help me. I don’t know what’s going on

_Message not received._

_ERROR:_ Oh, god, can you get rid of that?

_Message not received._

 

 **???:** Oh, yes. Sorry.

 

 _ERROR:_ Please help me

 

 **???:** Okay, I am going to propose a ridiculous theory to you. You’re not going to like it.

 

 _ERROR:_ Ok

 

 **???:** I’m a journalist, and a hacker. Mostly the former, but I’m putting my less legal skills to the test at the moment. I did some digging through some… classified sites.

 

 _ERROR:_ Okay, you hacked into some government thing, I get it. So?

 

 **???:** I also took a look through my notes from before I lost my memory.

 

 _ERROR:_ So that’s why you don’t know who you are.

 

 **???:** Yes.

 **???:** I think you may be dead.

 

 _ERROR:_ Haha. What.

 

 **???:** I think I was actually doing a story on you.

 **???:** But my notes just… stop.

 **???:** What’s the last thing you remember?

 

 _ERROR:_ I don’t

 _ERROR:_ I mean

 _ERROR:_ It’s a bit of a blur, I guess

 

 **???:** Read this.

 **???:** Ringing any bells?

 

 _ERROR:_ That’s a file

 _ERROR:_ On… on me?

 _ERROR:_ So when you say I’m dead you mean the government says I’m dead but I’m actually not?

 

 **???:** Uh. No.

 **???:** Can you describe where you physically are right now?

 

 _ERROR:_ I

 _ERROR:_ No, see, this is what has been confusing me

 _ERROR:_ I thought I was asleep for the longest time

 _ERROR:_ And then I realised that didn’t really make sense

 _ERROR:_ And I found these kids who I know

 _ERROR:_ So I’ve been sticking around them

 

 **???:** Where are you?

 

 _ERROR:_ … Everywhere

 

 **???:** Yes, I thought you might say that.

 **???:** You’re a ghost, XXXXXXX.

 **???:** Somehow you were caught in the wires, or the cloud, or the internet, whatever you want to call it. I was investigating you - before we were in an accident that killed you, and sent me to hospital, made me an amnesiac.

 

 _ERROR:_ XXXXXXX? That’s

 _ERROR:_ That’s what they kept saying…

 _ERROR:_ XXXXXXX is me?

 

 **???:** Yes.

 

 _ERROR:_ How were we in an accident?

 

 **???:** I don’t know. I don’t remember. I just don’t think it was really an “accident” - that file says “terminated.”

 

 _ERROR:_ None of this makes sense to me. I’m still alive, I’m not dead! How can I be dead?

 _ERROR:_ Why were you investigating me in the first place?

 

 **???:** In my notes it says you had “abilities.”

 

 _ERROR:_ Woah, woah now.. This is all weird enough. You’re telling me I had powers?

 

 **???:** That’s possibly why you were able to stay alive as your own digital footprint. Don’t ask me how exactly - I don’t know how it works. I’m not a psychic, I haven’t communicated with a ghost before.

 

 _ERROR:_ I can’t do this. I don’t like this. _Stop it_

 

 **???:** I’m sorry that his happened to you.

_Message blocked._

**???:** Did you just… block me? How?

_Message blocked._

**???:** Wow. I’m just trying to help, you know.

_Message blocked._

**???:** I’ll be here if you change your mind.

_Message blocked._

 

//

 

 _ERROR:_ Hello?

 

//

 

 _ERROR:_ Hello?

_Message not received._

_ERROR:_ Son of a bitch, the reporter put it back!

_Message not received._

_ERROR:_ Asshat.

_Message not received._

 

\--

 

 _ERROR:_ You’re new. Maybe you can hear me…

 _ERROR:_ No error message!! That’s a good sign, right?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Who is this?

 

 _ERROR:_ Oh my god. You got my messages?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Um, yes? I don’t know who you are.

 

 _ERROR:_ Yeah, well, neither do I really.

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Um… do you need help? Or…?

 

 _ERROR:_ I don’t really know what to do now. It’s not like I can go back to school or anything, if what that reporter said was true…

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Sorry, reporter?

 

 _ERROR:_ Uh, wait, no I didn’t mean to send that. Let me try again? I’m still getting the hang of this.

 _ERROR:_ Can you deliver a message to Lazarus please?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Lazarus? Um, okay? Does he know you? Can’t you just message him?

 

 _ERROR:_ He doesn’t get my messages. But you do, apparently… I wonder why that is.

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Life is full of mysteries, I suppose.

 

 _ERROR:_ I guess? Please tell him that uh… “XXXXXXX” really appreciated what he said, that one time.

 _ERROR:_ Can I trust you to relay a bit of a secret, as well?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Of course.

 

 _ERROR:_ Tell him that he should tell them (one at a time, obviously) how he feels, and that they’re probably not going to feel the same way but that they won’t hurt him in their rejection.

 _ERROR:_ Wait, that isn’t very encouraging…

 _ERROR:_ This is hard. Whatever, just send that.

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Okay?

 

 _ERROR:_ Thank you. Goodbye.

 

 _ERROR:_ Wait I just looked through your profile, are you blind?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Yes?

 

 _ERROR:_ How do you text?

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** I use this program on a computer, and I have a braille keyboard and screen reader and things. Why?

 

 _ERROR:_ Nothing, just interested. Hm.

 _ERROR:_ Well, bye.

 

 **SEENOEVIL:** Goodbye?

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 8:50AM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Not coming to school today?

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAFE TO JUDASISM AT 12:01PM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Judas?

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 12:01PM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Have you heard from Judas at all today?

 

 **ISAACTLY:** No, sorry

 **ISAACTLY:** Guess you can’t confess now after all

 

\--

 

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 2:12PM.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Listen I’m coming over after school

 **GOODLUCK:** Even when you’re sick you manage to participate in the group chat

 

 **JUDASISM:** don’t bother. i’m not at home.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Then where are you?

 

 **JUDASISM:** hospital **.**

 

 **GOODLUCK:** What? Are you okay?

 

 **JUDASISM:** just a checkup sort of thing. it just takes a while

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Judas

 

 **JUDASISM:** yes

 

 **GOODLUCK:** What do you… have?

 

 **JUDASISM:** i don’t know. and i just found out today that neither do they.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** They don’t know?

 

 **JUDASISM:** nope. they know there’s something wrong with my immune system and possibly my heart, and alsos possibly my brain, but they can’t put their fingers on it, i guess.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Oh my god. Are you going to be alright?

 

 **JUDASISM:** if you’re asking for an expiry date i’m afraid they don’t know that either

 

 **GOODLUCK:** So you could actually die???

 

 **JUDASISM:** maybe. they said that my health could deteriorate quickly depending on stress, diet, etc.

 **JUDASISM:** i could live a full life, apparently, but i could also not live through the SATs, so. that’s fun.

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Shit. I think I’m going to throw up.

 

 **JUDASISM:** what???

 

 **GOODLUCK:** I need to tell you something.

 

 **JUDASISM:** now???? i’m about to get an mri, dude, can’t this wait?

 

 **JUDASISM:** i’m going, i’ll talk to you later

 

 **GOODLUCK:** Wait, fuck

 **GOODLUCK:** Damn it okay fine

 

 **GOODLUCK:** How long do MRIs take?

 

...

 

Cain made his way down to the corner of the library where Isaac and Lazarus were playing chess. Those nerds - how adorable. Cain smiled as he caught sight of most of Isaac’s pieces sitting on the side of the board (Lazarus was beating his ass into the ground).

“Hey, guys,” Cain began, and both boy’s heads lifted. Isaac’s brows were furrowed in concentration.

“Cain!” He exclaimed, “This bastard is winning, come and help me.”

“That’s cheating!” Lazarus protested, but his laughter as Cain kneeled next to Isaac’s chair betrayed him.

“Aw,” Cain grinned, “You don’t really mind, do you? You’d let Isaac win any day of the week.”

“I most certainly would not!” The copper-haired boy huffed, pink dusting his cheeks as he cast his eyes on Isaac. Ha, cute. (Wow, when did Cain start thinking like this? Okay, maybe he _was_ gay… he was going to try it out, anyway. He wasn’t even remotely attracted to Lazarus… not “his type”, he guessed).

“Anyway, Isaac, uh… can I maybe talk to you?” Cain mumbled.

“All ears,” Isaac moved his queen, then moved it back, “Uh… no, that doesn’t work either.”

“No, I mean- alone?” Cain’s eyes were silently pleading.

Isaac sighed, “If you can’t trust Lazarus enough to talk in front of him, maybe you shouldn’t talk at all.”

Cain watched as Lazarus’ face lit up with a proud blush, before the boy caught sight of the expression on Cain’s face.

“Isaac,” Lazarus gulped, “No, I think you should really talk alone. It’s fine, if it’s personal… or, you know, whatever.”

Cain liked the way Lazarus pronounced Isaac. He didn’t say “eyes-ack” like everybody else, but “eyesuck” in a short sort of way, one simple word. It was clear he had a crush on Isaac, and even though Cain had a feeling the other didn’t feel the same way, it was kind of endearing to see. Cain thought Lazarus also maybe had a thing for Lilith, which was hilariously adorable (he’d caught him staring at her from across the courtyard, but it could maybe have just been curiosity).

“Uh,” Cain managed to get out, “Okay, no, you know what, it’s fine.”

He crossed his legs on the dark blue carpet, feeling the familiar rough fibre under his fingertips. He could do this. Lazarus wasn’t going to tell anyone, and even if he did, it… it wouldn’t matter. Would it?

“Judas is in hospital,” Cain murmured, eyes trained on the floor.

“Yes, he is,” Isaac bit his lip.

“You _knew?”_ Cain’s eyes widened in shock.

“He only told me a like ten minutes ago, don’t worry-” Isaac put his hands up.

“But you knew he was sick…” Cain said accusingly.

“Of course I knew he was sick!” Isaac gestured wildly, “Don’t be mad, Cain - everyone in school knows he’s sick-”

“But you- did you know _how_ sick?” Cain asked desperately.

Isaac paused, before continuing carefully, “Cain… yes, he shared some concerns with me before he had confirmation- he told me not to tell anyone, you can’t actually be _angry_ about this-”

“I’m trying,” Cain swallowed thickly, “I know, I’m not… I’m not mad at you, I’m just…”

Cain suddenly noticed his hands were shaking.

“Man, you really have it bad,” Lazarus smiled softly at him, and Cain glanced up in surprise.

“You… know?” Cain’s eyebrows drew closer together.

“Of course! You’re not particularly subtle, to be perfectly honest,” Lazarus grinned wider, and Cain fought the urge to call pot and kettle.

“Listen, Sherlock,” Cain growled, “Now is not the time. What if he dies next week, or some shit? I can’t- I don’t think I’ll…”

“Yes,” One of Isaac’s hands was curled into a fist, while the other moved to sacrifice his queen, “You will be okay. And so will Judas. We will all be okay.”

Fo the first time in a long time, Isaac, probably Cain’s best friend in the entire world, told Cain a lie.

 

\--

 

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO KEEPERKEYS AT 2:30PM.**

 

 **DEMONKID:** hello i like your twin how do i get them to like me

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:** I DON’T KNOW I’M NOT MY SIBLING’S…

 **KEEPERKEYS:** K E E P E R

 **KEEPERKEYS:** god i’m so sorry i just saw an opportunity and i took it

 **KEEPERKEYS:** really though, i have no idea. ask them

 

 **DEMONKID:** wow.

 **DEMONKID:** i can’t really get a romantic read on them. do you know their type

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:** google the words “demisexual” and “demiromantic” and get back to me once you have a correct understanding of the terms.

 

 **DEMONKID:** oh... so they don’t like me yet… but thEY WILL!!

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:** it’s not like there’s some kind of guarantee, dumbass.

 

 **DEMONKID:** okay so i’m gonna ask a question

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:** if you ask how it’s different to not sleeping around i’ll punch you

 

 **DEMONKID:** …

 **DEMONKID:** OH

 **DEMONKID:** WAIT I THINK I GET IT NOW???

 **DEMONKID:** i think

 **DEMONKID:** so they need like a connection with me before their feelings can like, bloom? or whatever??

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:**... that’ll do. now go make contact

 

 **DEMONKID:** “make contact” it’s not like it’s a military operation

 

 **KEEPERKEYS:** hm. well, you say that now

  
**DEMONKID:** i’m looking forward to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! i hope you liked this chapter (i know it's a lot shorter than the last one but you'll just have to deal with it, friendo  
> prq out, and as always, leave a comment to tell me what you thought!


	6. apollyon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apollyon, that son of a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't actually hate apollyon as a character (is that even possible), but i needed an asshole in this that wasn't just the parents so  
> also! new formatting? see what you think and please tell me in the comments if you like it better like this  
> enjoy

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 10:01AM.**

**DEMONKID:** yooooo  
**DEMONKID:** my wooing is going well

 **EMOFUCK:** oh really.

 **DEMONKID:** yes really. at keeper’s expense tho

 **ISAACTLY:**??

 **DEMONKID:** ok storytime

 **RUSLASER:**!!! :D

 **GOODLUCK:** Oh my god. Wow. That’s the purest thing I’ve ever seen in this harsh, unforgiving world

 **DEMONKID:** okay so i was walking along

 **ISAACLTY:** I’m on the edge of my seat

 **DEMONKID:** stfu  
**DEMONKID:** and i see some asshole trip keeper over

 **GOODLUCK:** Ah. That bitch

 **DEMONKID:**??

 **ISAACTLY:** Apollyon, he’s an asshole

 **DEMONKID:** good to know. well i went to help keeper up

 **GOODLUCK:** WAIT QUICK QUESTION  
**GOODLUCK:** ARE YOU INTO KEEPER AS WELL??? BECAUSE LIKE  
**GOODLUCK:** THEY LOOK PRETTY SIMILAR

 **DEMONKID:** they don’t look the same to me  
**DEMONKID:** ((that’s a no))  
**DEMONKID:** and eden basically came running to help him up as well  
**DEMONKID:** and we’re helping him to the nurse because he fell on his face and it’s pretty ugly right

 **ISAACTLY:** Wow. Why did I not hear about this??

 **DEMONKID:** probably because it happened like 5 minutes ago

 **RUSLASER:** I saw it… poor guy

 **DEMONKID:** yeah  
**DEMONKID:** anyways, eden like thanked me and shit and fuck they’re so adorable and they care so much about their brother i think i might actually be in love

 **EMOFUCK:** nerd.

 **DEMONKID:** if that makes me a nerd i’ll deal with it

\--

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 10:09AM.**

**GOODLUCK:** Hey  
**GOODLUCK:** Uh  
**GOODLUCK:** How are you?

 **JUDASISM:** fine

 **GOODLUCK:** Right  
**GOODLUCK:** But you’re not at school?

 **JUDASISM:** i’m really fucking depressed. and yes still sick, obviously

 **JUDASISM:** sorry, shit  
**JUDASISM:** overshare of the year right there

 **JUDASISM:** cain? i’m sorry fuck  
**JUDASISM:** you don’t wanna know about that shit

 **GOODLUCK:** Sit tight

 **JUDASISM:** what??? what the fuck is that supposed to mean  
**JUDASISM:** CAIN???? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

**\--**

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 10:11AM.**

**ISAACTLY:** Where did you go?

 **ISAACTLY:** Tell me you’re not skipping class

 **ISAACTLY:** Cain???

…

 

Cain blinked, the world swimming into focus around him. The sun was shining brightly into his eyes, and he raised his arm to block it out. His shoulder hurt. His _head_ hurt…

He’d… tripped? Ah, fuck, the sun hurt his eyes-

He sat up and immediately retched at the feeling in his stomach, rising like the tide. He felt so fucking sick… what had happened?

_Judas._

He was going to Judas’ house…

He could barely stand, and something instinctively told him that he’d probably get lost before he found Judas’ street. Cain pulled out his phone but couldn’t- he couldn’t quite remember his- his passcode-

  1. 3245\. 3245.



He screwed his eyes shut. Why did the sun hurt so much?

He somehow managed to unlock his phone and saw a few message from Isaac and Judas. Skipping class… wait, had he… had he been knocked out?

_Shit._

…

 

The next thing that he could really remember was waking up on Judas’ couch. He remembered something, he knew it was there, the memory, but he couldn’t quite grasp it… how had he gotten here? His brain was filled with this foggy, cotton-stuffing pain, enveloping everything.

“Ugh,” He groaned, and footsteps approached.

“Good morning,” Judas grinned down at him, elbows on the back of the couch, propping his head up to gaze down.

 _“Morning?”_ Cain murmured, “What time is it?”

“It’s eight in the A-M,” Judas sighed, “We’re both staying home today, I guess.”

“Why am I… my parents? And uh… how…?” Cain managed to convey his concerns through a limited vocabulary.

“You called me,” Judas’ eyebrows drew close in concern, “Don’t you remember that?”

“Uhm-” Cain swallowed thickly, “Sorry, no, uh-”

“Okay, listen,” Judas walked around from the back of the couch to kneel beside Cain’s heavy head, “You called me, and I picked you up. You seemed a bit out of it, you told me hit your head… do you think you have a concussion?”

“What are the symptoms of a- concussion?” Cain asked.

“Headache, amnesia, nausea?” Judas bit his lip.

“Ohhhh… yeah, definitely,” Cain felt his eyes slip shut again, and he began to remember. He’d tripped on something, a discrepancy in the concrete, maybe, as he texted Judas to “sit tight.”

Judas suddenly shivered, wrapping his arms around his frame that seemed to get thinner every time Cain saw him. That’s why Cain had been on his way… to- to help Judas with something? Judas, beautiful, kind, sometimes a bit of an asshole, Judas. Sick Judas.

“Should I call a doctor?” Judas asked worriedly.

“No, no- my parents?” Cain asked, wincing, and noticing Judas look away awkwardly, “And, uh. What about you?”

“What about me?” Judas lifted his head in confusion.

“I was coming to check on you…” Cain exhaled deeply, suddenly finding it a little hard to breathe, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Judas huffed, “Of course you’re all protective as soon as you find out I’m sick.”

“What?” Cain whispered, but… well, he guessed that from Judas’ perspective it could kind of look like that.

“It’s fine, I mean, that’s how most people respond,” Judas stood, coughing, and walking into the kitchen, “Unlike my parents, for some mysterious reason.”

“They’re distancing themselves, cause they don’t want to see you...” Cain murmured, remembering the word Judas had used, “See you deteriorate.”

“Yeah, I know,” Judas’ voice echoed through the house, and Cain sat up, feeling his stomach and head protest, “I’m trying not to be mad at them.”

“Well, that’s dumb,” Cain scowled, and Judas turned around in surprise, “You _should_ be mad, they’re- they’re not here when you need them, that’s… that sucks.”

A small smile grew on Judas’ face, “Yeah, okay, Mr. Wisdom. Anyway, you’re not allowed to be worried about me right now. If you have a concussion, you’re supposed to go to the hospital. I called your parents last night and told them you were at my house and you weren’t feeling well. Your…”

Judas paused, “Your mom said she’d pick you up whenever, if you needed to go to a doctor or something.”

“Oh,” Cain mumbled, “Okay.”

Judas yawned, “I’m really tired, sorry- uh, call your mom, your phone’s just on the table, and… yeah.”

“Okay,” Cain replied quietly. He was going to miss his chance to tell Judas, _again._ And how was he even going to say it? Fuck.

As another surge of nausea hit him, he thought maybe going to a hospital might be a priority.

\--

**EMOFUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 9:11AM.**

**EMOFUCK:** how’s cain? how’s judas? how’s keeper? in fact  
**EMOFUCK:** HOW ARE Y’ALL DOIN TODAY

 **JUDASISM:** cain has a concussion and i’m going the fuck to bed

 **EMOFUCK:** now??? did you sleep???

 **JUDASISM:** not particularly well  
**JUDASISM:** mmm anxiety

 **EMOFUCK:** ouch  
**EMOFUCK:** did you wake cain up every 4 hours or so?? is that why

 **JUDASISM:** what? no  
**JUDASISM:** WAIT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT

 **EMOFUCK:** nah i’m sure he’s fine just do that next time

 **JUDASISM:** oh jesus

 **DEMONKID:** i think keeper will be okay but apollyon certainly won’t

 **ISAACTLY:** Someone get Azazel under control please

 **DEMONKID:** YOU CAN’T JUST LET HIM DO THAT SHIT IT’S DISGUSTING

 **ISAACTLY:** What’s your plan? Punch him in the face??? Dude don’t take him on he’ll make your life hell

 **DEMONKID:** don’t you even care about what he said?? ABOUT WHAT HE DID

 **JUDASISM:** what happened?

 **DEMONKID:** HE MADE SEVERAL COMMENTS  
**DEMONKID:** AND THEN HE SPAT IN ISAAC’S FACE

 **JUDASISM:** oh, dude, what the fuck??? isaac what did you do?

 **ISAACTLY:** I told him to shut the fuck up, that’s what I did  
**ISAACTLY:** Seriously, Azazel, please don’t fight him, I can’t afford to get into a fight right now

 **DEMONKID:** i’m not asking YOU to fight him

 **ISAACTLY:** I’ll be caught up in it somehow and then I’ll have to fight someone anyway

 **DEMONKID:**?

 **ISAACTLY:** MY FUCKING MOM DUMBASS  
**ISAACTLY:** IF SHE HEARD THAT I GOT INTO A FIGHT AT SCHOOL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE’D DO

 **FIGHTCLUB:** I think we all need to calm down

 **DEMONKID:** SAMSON!! you’ll help me won’t you

 **FIGHTCLUB:** No. Last time I fought Apollyon I got suspended.

 **DEMONKID:** holy shit really?

 **FIGHTCLUB:** I… broke some things.

 **DEMONKID:**?

 **FIGHTCLUB:** Some bones. Belonging to him.

 **DEMONKID:** bruh

 **JUDASISM:** wait hold the fuck up  
**JUDASISM:** what did apollyon actually say?  
**JUDASISM:** ...  
**JUDASISM:** what was he talking about isaac  
**JUDASISM:** don’t FUCK WITH ME HERE MAN

 **ISAACTLY:** He was saying several things

 **JUDASISM:** LIKE FUCKING WHAT

 **ISAACTLY:** Things about Eve

 **EMOFUCK:** well of course. sooooo last year

 **ISAACTLY:** And about Maggy and I

 **JUDASISM:** ah, fuck

 **ISAACTLY:** And Eden and Keeper, which is why Azazel’s so mad

 **DEMONKID:** why shouldn’t i be??? fucking hell

 **ISAACTLY:** And uh… about Cain

 **ISAACTLY:**...

 **JUDASISM:** this is about him saying he was gay to get rachel to piss off, isn’t it  
**JUDASISM:** shit. shit shit shit.  
**JUDASISM:** rachel fucking told apollyon??? what the FUCK

 **ISAACTLY:** Yeah uhh

 **JUDASISM:** there’s something you’re not telling me

 **ISAACTLY:** Okay so he said that Cain was skipping school to… spend time with his “boyfriend”

 **JUDASISM:** oh christ no.

 **ISAACTLY:** His boyfriend being you..

 **JUDASISM:** i’m going to go to bed now and pretend this has all been a dream

 **ISAACTLY:** What are we going to do? If Cain’s dad finds out there’s a gay rumor about him at school…

 **JUDASISM:** have faith that he’s a better parent than your mom

 **ISAACTLY:** Thanks for that

 **JUDASISM:** sorry man it’s the truth

//

 _ERROR:_ Who’s this Apollyon asshole…?  
_Message not received._  
_ERROR:_ Ugh! I wonder if I can get rid of that error message myself…  
_Message not received._  
_ERROR:_ Testing testing  
_Message not received._  
_ERROR:_ Damn. Let’s try this  
_Message not received._ _  
_ ERROR: Testing 123

 _ERROR:_ Hey that actually worked??? LIT  
_ERROR:_ ...  
_ERROR:_ Why do I send messages if I’m not talking to anyone  
_ERROR:_ I guess I just hope somebody sees them one day

 _ERROR:_ Well now I’m just bored. I guess technically I could do whatever I want  
_ERROR:_ But I kinda wanna find out what this Apollyon’s deal is

 _ERROR:_ Bland and boring profile.  
_ERROR:_ Bland and boring messages…  
_ERROR:_ WAIT  
_ERROR:_ HOLY S H I T

**//**

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 12:34PM.**

**ISAACTLY:** Why are there cops at our school

 **DEMONKID:** i didn’t do it

 **ISAACTLY:** I honestly don’t want to know

 **RUSLASER:** I think they’re talking to Apollyon…

 **ISAACTLY:** What? How do you know that?

 **RUSLASER:** I’m in the library and he was playing a video game in the corner, and these two officers came in. They asked him to come into one of the study rooms…

 **ISAACTLY:** Ha! Yes bitch!!

 **RUSLASER:** Damn right!

 **EMOFUCK:** DID LAZARUS JUST ENDORSE ISAAC SAYING “YES BITCH”  
**EMOFUCK:** I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED FROM THE DEPTHS

 **GOODLUCK:** The depths of Samson’s pants

**FIGHTCLUB: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

**GOODLUCK:** Wow.  
**GOODLUCK:** So I read through the previous messages…

 **ISAACTLY:** Ah.

 **GOODLUCK:** Ha. Hahaha. What the fuck.  
**GOODLUCK:** Can you even comprehend how unbelievably screwed I am?

 **ISAACTLY:** Okay, before we get into that: how’s your head?

 **GOODLUCK:** The doctors said I’ll be fine

//

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 12:36PM.**

**GOODLUCK:** Isaac, my dad will kill me. He’s been getting worse, saying all this really bad shit and I can’t correct him because he’ll hate me, and then he’ll be convinced I’m gay or whatever

 **ISAACTLY:** Please stay calm Cain  
**ISAACTLY:** We just have to convince Apollyon that you’re not gay  
**ISAACTLY:** Or discredit him somehow, which maybe the cops are doing for us lol

 **GOODLUCK:** How are we supposed to do that? Anyway, this isn’t really just about me  
**GOODLUCK:** What did he say about everyone else?

 **ISAACTLY:** Well he brought up Eve again, of course  
**ISAACTLY:** Something about Samson being a coward (?? idek)  
**ISAACTLY:** He said that Maggy and I were too weak to stand up to an “old woman”

 **GOODLUCK:** Wow fucking really

 **ISAACTLY:** I guess rumours are getting around… I don’t know how but if Mom hears about this she might pull me from school…

 **GOODLUCK:** Shit, man

 **ISAACTLY:** Said that Azazel was a “homo”, among other things, for helping Eden and Keeper, and that we “shouldn’t get involved with them”

 **GOODLUCK:** He’s just jealous that Eden gets more action than he does

 **ISAACTLY:** That’s what I said! Azazel’s really mad though. I think Apollyon also mentioned a “kid” at one point and I think he meant Lazarus so now he’s really on my shit list

 **GOODLUCK:** You have a shit list?

 **ISAACTLY:** Fresh off the printing press. One name only

\--

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 2:01PM.**

**GOODLUCK:** Guys since I’m taking the day off I decided tol use my time to make a plan

 **EMOFUCK:** how about using your time to finish that math assignment so you can give it to me so i can use it as a guide to finish mine because it’s due iN TWO DAYS

 **GOODLUCK:** “Use it as a guide” bitch you gonna copy that shit

 **EMOFUCK: /** u s e i t a s a g u i d e /

 **GOODLUCK:** I already finished it anyway  
**GOODLUCK:** Now I just have to finish the other three assignments  
**GOODLUCK:** Also due in two days  
**GOODLUCK:** One of which I haven’t started

 **EMOFUCK:** don’t you just love high school

 **GOODLUCK:** But anyway. The plan  
**GOODLUCK:** I’ve mostly been working on the one for my situation but I mean I have other ideas too

 **JUDASISM:** why am i not surprised

 **GOODLUCK:** You’re awake

 **JUDASISM:** no, i’m sleep texting. truely common phenomenon, cain

 **GOODLUCK:** You’re a comedic genius.

 **JUDASISM:** thank you.

 **ISAACTLY:** Stop flirting. What’s your plan?

 **GOODLUCK:** Haha. You two should be a comedy duo.  
**GOODLUCK:** Okay so I just have to explain everything to Rachel

 **JUDASISM:** I can already see a flaw in this plan

 **GOODLUCK:** And then make out with her

 **JUDASISM:** just breaking: several more flaws have come to light

 **GOODLUCK:** Alternatively, tell her that I couldn’t think of another way out and I just didn’t want to kiss her because she’s ugly

 **EMOFUCK:** that just seems rude

 **JUDASISM:** she told apollyon - fucking APOLLYON - that cain is gay

 **GOODLUCK:** A lie

//

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 2:04PM.**

**ISAACTLY:** I thought we were done with the repression?

 **GOODLUCK:** Shut up.

//

**EMOFUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 2:04PM.**

**EMOFUCK:** ok but do we know that she actually told him? maybe she told someone else who told him

 **JUDASISM:** key words: “she told someone”

 **EMOFUCK:** cain did you ever actually say that you didn’t want her to tell anyone else?

 **GOODLUCK:** Okay well  
**GOODLUCK:** Listen I  
**GOODLUCK:** I may have left that bit out???

**JUDASISM:** well i mean you were probably in shock

**RUSLASER:** Why don’t you just tell her the truth?

**ISAACTLY:** Damn Lazarus back at it again with the sensible suggestions

**EMOFUCK:** quote that again and i’ll murder you while you sleep

\--

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 7:56AM.**

**DEMONKID:** apollyon’s not at school maybe he was… taken out   
**DEMONKID:** *james bond theme plays*

**RUSLASER:** The reason he’s not at school is because it’s not even 8AM?   
**RUSLASER:** Why are you there that early?

**DEMONKID:** i have an early class

**RUSLASER:** No, you don’t. The only early class today is Advanced English and I know you don’t take that. 

**DEMONKID:** how do you even know that

**RUSLASER:** I like to keep track of things.

**DEMONKID:** creepy. whatever, i got bored

**RUSLASER:** Wait…   
**RUSLASER:** Eden (and Keeper, I assume) always come early. Are you stalking them?

**DEMONKID:** not stalking really

**RUSLASER:** Who’s creepy now?

**DEMONKID:** still you. i’m actually just trying to steal eden’s wallet

**RUSLASER:** Um. What?

**DEMONKID:** see if i return their wallet and be all sweet about it then eden will like me

**RUSLASER:** This actually sounds… vaguely unhealthy?

**ISAACTLY:** It’s too early for this shit.

**RUSLASER:** Since when do you swear so much, Isaac?

**ISAACTLY:** It marks the exact moment my faith in humanity began to dwindle.   
**ISAACTLY:** Seriously though, and I can’t believe I’m giving advice to you of all people, just talk to Eden. Make friends. Then decide if you even like Eden as a person instead of just being physically obsessed with them from afar.

**DEMONKID:** miss me with that gay shit   
**DEMONKID:** wait actually tho like   
**DEMONKID:** are you gonna be a psychologist isaac? because you got The Insight

**ISAACTLY:** I haven’t really considered it   
**ISAACTLY:** But now that you mention it I mean it could be kinda cool

**DEMONKID:** pls consider

\--

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 8:45AM.**

**GOODLUCK:** Thanks to holy Lazarus’ kind guidance, I’m gonna tell Rachel the truth

**JUDASISM:** now let’s just hope she believes you

**GOODLUCK:** Why wouldn’t she believe me?

**JUDASISM:** you? telling someone you’re not gay???? oh it’s INCREDIBLY convincing

\--

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 10:21AM.**

**DEMONKID:** still no sign of polly wants a cracker

**JUDASISM:** i like the nickname. demeaning yet unoffensive to others. nice.

**DEMONKID:** thank u   
**DEMONKID:** also: i did not steal eden’s wallet   
**DEMONKID:** but i did follow them and will comment on some pictures and maybe dm them

**EMOFUCK:** ah, young love. i’m overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah!! so... that's that. sorry about how late the chapter was, but hey!!!! i actually have wifi now!!!!!! amen thank u jesus


	7. blessed be the

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginnings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is SO late i'm terrible i know i know however: i drew art!! did i mention that before???  
> [art!](http://dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com/post/173336658839/art-dump-for-this-tboi-fic-magdalene-and-cain) (i know it's bad but i tried my best. more will probably follow)

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO GARDENOF AT 7:00PM.**

**DEMONKID:** hi

**GARDENOF:** Hello

**DEMONKID:** so you like harry potter right

**GARDENOF:** Um. Yes?

**DEMONKID:** who’s your favourite character

**GARDENOF:** Lupin. Why?

**DEMONKID:** idk i wanna be friends lol

**GARDENOF:** Oh. Okay.

**DEMONKID:** is that ok???

**GARDENOF:** Yes. Of course.

**DEMONKID:** well   
**DEMONKID:** great

**DEMONKID:** my fave is draco

**GARDENOF:** God, why?

**DEMONKID:** he’s hot

**GARDENOF:** No!! Why do people even think that

**DEMONKID:** it’s a fact my dude

\--

Judas could feel himself deflating on the inside. Lately, a small dip in schoolwork and near-constant video game days with Isaac had been keeping his mental health in check, but exams were going to start soon. He was going to have to study, and pass, and  _ not die,  _ which meant he really didn’t need a crush on Cain, of all people, to start developing right now.

Judas tried (and failed) to will Cain’s face out of his mind.

He couldn’t really pinpoint it, when it had happened. One second Isaac had been making fun of him over text, and the next, Cain was lying on Judas’ couch with a concussion. He’d looked so peaceful, sleeping there, and Judas had felt worried and relieved and just so… warm, taking in Cain’s presence. That’s when it had hit him - a cavity opening in his chest, feeling kind of unnervingly like existential grief over his place in the cosmos (we all have those days, right?).

But it wasn’t him being sad, this time. Having a spear in your stomach like that felt cold, and grey, and wrong - this didn’t feel like that. It did have the same cracked-heart feeling to it, though.

Judas thought maybe it was just delayed platonic feelings? He’d been acquainted with Cain for a long time, but only now were they starting to become friends. He couldn’t actually be… have a...

Wow, he’d only just realised he was gay (seriously, everything made sense now), and he’d already fallen for a straight boy. God, he hated everything.

Sitting in bed an hour later, having read WikiHow articles and watched YouTube tutorials on how to get over a crush, Judas sort of wanted to cry. Instead, he messaged Isaac. Isaac knew everything. Isaac knew how to give good advice and provided a useful outside perspective on most things. Isaac could theoretically be God.

//

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 8:32PM.**

**JUDASISM:** isaac buddy i need your fine counsel

**JUDASISM:** isaac?

//

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 8:56PM.**

**JUDASISM:** hey has anyone heard from isaac? and/or maggy

**EMOFUCK:** i actually heard yelling from their house a couple hours ago…   
**EMOFUCK:** they may not have access to their phones if you’re trying to talk to them

**JUDASISM:** fuck

**GOODLUCK:** Was it important?

**JUDASISM:** uh. not really? but kind of

**GOODLUCK:** Specific

**JUDASISM:** i’m well known for my clarity

//

God damn it. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Suffer?

Judas glanced at the time on his phone screen before placing it on his bedside table.

_ Well,  _ he supposed,  _ I guess I’m going back to the regular program then. _

\--

The longer Cain thought about it, the more the heat rose through his body. Sometimes, it was just a small memory of Judas’ laughter. His jokes. The way his eyes had looked on that golden afternoon.

Honestly, he was getting over this whole repression thing rather quickly. Maybe it was Isaac’s fault - his family made him this way, but Isaac was just smashing it down,  _ un _ making it. Building something new. Reasonably regularly, Cain would text Isaac with some sort of concern (irrational or rational, often vaguely homophobic, fear), and Isaac would listen and tell him what was what. But Cain hadn’t been able to talk to him all afternoon, and on top of being worried about his friend, he had several questions about… well. Things. Mostly very un-good-Catholic-boy things, and more like horny-teenager things. He definitely couldn’t ask anyone else. They’d never let him live it down (except Lazarus, but he couldn’t tarnish that pure soul).

The darkest thing lurking in his mind right now was that his dad might find out - but surely Cain would be fine! No one had even talked to him about it yet! Even though he went to sit next to Mark for science class and the guy got up and moved… and Rachel literally ran away when he was going to talk to her in English… ugh.

And then there was that thing with Apollyon. What had happened? Why wasn’t he at school anymore, and why had the cops come to talk to him? Maybe he’d done something really bad, like… murdered someone, or something. But even Apollyon wasn’t that much of a dick. 

Was he?

\--

**GARDENOF SENT A MESSAGE TO DEMONKID AT 9:12PM.**

**GARDENOF:** Hi I know it’s a bit late but would you like to go somewhere on the weekend with me?

**DEMONKID:** YES

**GARDENOF:** I mean… just hang out at the mall maybe? Or see a movie? Is that what friends do?

**DEMONKID:** um well i guess? but we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to…   
**DEMONKID:** what do you normally do with friends

**GARDENOF:** I don’t really have any. Except Keeper, obviously, but we mostly binge Supernatural and eat mints.

**DEMONKID:** that’s actually adorable   
**DEMONKID:** if you wanna hang out at the mall that’s cool! we could see a movie as well if you want

**GARDENOF:** Yeah, okay. Sounds good.

**DEMONKID:** :P

**GARDENOF:** ,,,   
**GARDENOF:** :P

//

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 9:16PM.**

**DEMONKID:** oh my god. it’s real. i’m so in love

**JUDASISM:** gross

**EMOFUCK:** miss me with that gay shit

**RUSLASER:** Guys, don’t be mean! I think it’s really cute!

**DEMONKID:** THANK YOU, LAZARUS

\--

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO JUDASISM AT 11:14PM.**

**GOODLUCK:** My dad came home late   
**GOODLUCK:** Judas I think he knows and Isaac won’t/can’t reply to me 

**JUDASISM:** are you okay?

**GOODLUCK:** Yeah I’m fine for now I think he’s sort of waiting for… like, proof?

**JUDASISM:** oh, god, okay   
**JUDASISM:** uh   
**JUDASISM:** how about you come over tomorrow? and we can talk and try to figure out a plan?

**GOODLUCK:** Uh   
**GOODLUCK:** What if dad thinks I’m like… going to my “boyfriend’s” house

**JUDASISM:** oh

**GOODLUCK:** Sorry just like   
**GOODLUCK:** You know

**JUDASISM:** right yeah of course   
**JUDASISM:** we could go to the movie that azazel is apparently seeing with eden

**GOODLUCK:** Oh my god I’m not crashing their date

**JUDASISM:** i really don’t think it’s a date   
**JUDASISM:** we could invite everyone else as well if you want

**GOODLUCK:** Uh   
**GOODLUCK:** Yeah, okay

**JUDASISM:** okay well you chill and i’ll organise it

**GOODLUCK:** Oh   
**GOODLUCK:** Okay

**GOODLUCK:** Thanks, man

**JUDASISM:** yeah yeah whatever don’t go all soft on me

\--

The next morning, Judas felt better than he had in a long time. He couldn’t really explain it, but he had a really good feeling about the coming day. He was going out with his friends, he was going to have a good time… his crush was going to be there… ah, fuck. Judas looked down at what he was wearing. Subconsciously, he’d dressed up a little more than necessary for “hanging with friends,” and someone was sure to notice. And make fun of him. Repeatedly.

He hated this. He took off his button up and replaced it with a t-shirt and hoodie, although he probably didn’t need the latter. It was almost May, which meant end of semester exams and even the SATs for Maggy.

He hated it, he really did - he didn’t need this right now! He didn’t need Cain, or Isaac, and he certainly didn’t need to be hanging out with friends instead of studying. Lazarus, the wisest of them all, it seemed, had decided not to come with them today.

And yet, he still couldn’t shake the optimism clinging to him. Oh, well - he guessed he just had to deal with it.

\--

**EMOFUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 9:03AM.**

**EMOFUCK:** wakey wAKEY BITCHESSSS

**JUDASISM:** good morning to you too

**EMOFUCK:** omg you’re awake?? what

**JUDASISM:** yeah i even set an alarm and everything. look at me being organised

**EMOFUCK:** zoinks

**GOODLUCK:** “””Zoinks”””

**EMOFUCK:** it’s a great word

\--

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO GARDENOF AT 9:14AM.**

**DEMONKID:** wow okay apparently my friends are also going to the movie?? but we don’t have to hang out with them if you don’t want to lol

**GARDENOF:** Oh.   
**GARDENOF:** No, that’s fine we can sit with them

**DEMONKID:** really though no pressure   
**DEMONKID:** how about we go somewhere else for lunch then?

**GARDENOF:** Yeah okay

\--

Cain had never been this anxious in his entire life. Like, never. He didn’t have anxiety. He  _ didn’t _ , but he honestly felt like he was going to throw up when he went downstairs that morning, walking past his dad’s empty armchair.

“Mom?” He called out, “I’m leaving now!”

There was no response, but something moved upstairs, so he decided to just leave - his parents were probably upstairs, discussing their... son...

Maybe it would be easier if he just forgot all about Judas. It would be, wouldn’t it? His parents wouldn’t disown him, he could make out with Rachel and bring her to the prom and no one would ever suspect anything. Besides, maybe he was bi! Then he could date plenty of girls, and never worry about guys again (that was how bisexuality worked, right?).

Oh, god. Did getting over repression have stages? Like grief? Denial, acceptance, second denial…

He left through the front door, grabbed his bike, and found himself wishing he’d grabbed some water before he’d gone. His throat was drier than a desert.

\--

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 12:39PM.**

**DEMONKID:** okay first of all: WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK WAS THAT MOVIE   
**DEMONKID:** second: eden and i are going to ramone’s and yall are Not invited please and thank u

**EMOFUCK:** SIGHHHHH I GUESS WE’LL LET YOU ROMANTICALLY EAT PIZZA IN PEACE

**DEMONKID:** for the last time: this is not a date

**ISAACTLY:** Ohhhh, Azazel, you’re so threatening

**DEMONKID:** stfu i’m terrifying

**JUDASISM:** guys   
**JUDASISM:** guys shit

**GOODLUCK:** OH FUCK

**DEMONKID:** ???

**JUDASISM:** APOLLYON IS HERE   
**JUDASISM:** LIKE   
**JUDASISM:** WALKING TOWARDS OUR TABLE

**EMOFUCK:** shit   
**EMOFUCK:** isaac

**EMOFUCK:** ISAAC FUCKING LOOK AT YOUR PHONE

**JUDASISM:** fuck

\--

Isaac was lucky he glanced up when he did. At their school assembly yesterday, the principal had brought up bullying, and he’d heard rumours about Apollyon moving to another school. Naturally, he’d put two and two together. What he hadn’t predicted, however, was that Apollyon would be on the warpath. 

Isaac was in it. Like, directly, physically, in Apollyon’s warpath,  _ right now- _

Apollyon was skinny but broad-shouldered, and white as a sheet. He didn’t look well, but he did look angry. Quite strong for someone his build (tall and menacing), his figure gave him a unique advantage over pretty much everyone in the school. Except Samson, obviously. Speaking of Samson, where was he? Isaac could really do with his help right now.

With a fist in his shirt, Isaac felt his collar dig into the back of his neck, and his toes lift slightly off the floor, bringing him face to face with Apollyon’s scowl. And Isaac couldn’t tell you why he did it - maybe he was tired of keeping his head down, tired of not defending himself, tired of dealing with his mom. Maybe he was just tired.

“What?” Isaac mumbled, smirking, “You gonna kiss me?”

“What the fuck?” Apollyon dropped him as quickly as he could, glancing around almost nervously.

“What do you want?” Isaac frowned, smoothing his shirt, and wishing someone would come and help him with this…

\--

Cain balled his hands into fists. He wanted to go and ask Apollyon what the fuck he thought he was doing, but he  _ couldn’t!  _ What was he going to say? “I’m not gay, please leave my friends alone?”

He glanced at Judas, whose hands seemed to be shaking slightly as he watched Isaac be lifted off the dirty, grey-tiled floor of the mall, and Cain’s heart filled with something like warm water. It was worth it. He knew it was worth it. Judas was worth it - what was he thinking, that he could pretend for the rest of his life? He could figure out the fine print of his sexuality later, but right now three things mattered: Isaac, Judas, and the bitch that was lifting his best friend off the earth.

Cain steeled himself and began to walk towards Isaac and Apollyon, who were now having some kind of conversation. Apollyon seemed mad. Isaac seemed… nervous.

“Cain?” Judas hissed at him, anxiety showing in his face, and the boy stepped forward slightly, “What are you doing? He thinks you’re gay, you’ll-”

“You coming, or what?” Cain asked, grinning at Judas, who scowled.

“I hate you,” Judas sighed, but Cain thought he saw the hint of a smile pulling at corners of his lips.

The two walked over to Isaac and Apollyon, and it suddenly struck Cain that he had no idea what he was actually going to say. That was pretty dangerous - whenever Cain didn’t know what he was going to say, there were usually punches thrown. Hopefully Judas would speak first, but then it was practically guaranteed that they’d get into a fight. But, hey, three against one… reasonable odds. And if Eve joined in- actually, she got really aggressive sometimes. Apollyon would probably end up dead.

“So…” Cain raised his eyebrows, and folded his arms (he looked cool, right?), “What’s going on?”

Apollyon turned to Cain with a sharp smile.

“I’m just looking for Eden. Know where he might be? Someone told me he was coming here today.”

Cain felt Judas tense up. Who would be stupid enough to tell Apollyon where Eden was- unless…

“Who told you that?” Cain asked, suddenly very wary, and he knew Judas sensed it. There was something wrong, and it must have been instinct that told Cain to look down. Apollyon’s hands were clenched, of course - he was mad - but… his knuckles looked red, inflamed even.  _ Shit. _

“Sorry, let me rephrase-” Cain’s fingers twitched, something in his blood itching for a fight, “Who’d you beat up, to get them to tell you that?”

The sharp intake of breath and slight step back from Isaac told Cain that he hadn’t guessed what they now all knew. Cain didn’t blame Isaac for being worried - the kid had almost religiously stayed away from fist fights during his entire school life. But now, he was mixed up with the worst person.

“You watch too much TV, faggot,” Apollyon snickered cruelly, and put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

“Don’t use that word,” Judas growled, commenting on Apollyon’s language reflexively, and Cain was suddenly very ashamed that he’d ever used the same tone.

“Listen, asshole,” Cain felt lightning strike all over his body in a way that boiled his blood, “We don’t know where they are. Can you fuck off now?”

“Oh, you don’t know where he is?” Apollyon huffed, before continuing sarcastically, “Wow, I’m so sorry. Guess I’ll be on my way.”

“Why would you even want to talk to them?” Isaac asked, sounding scared, but also mildly curious.

“Oh, I don’t think there’ll be much talking… see, I’m pretty sure Eden took my phone, or hacked my account, and then showed it to the cops,” Apollyon’s false smile turned to an obviously furious expression, “And now I’m in big trouble. So, he’s gonna pay up.”

“It’s  _ they,  _ motherfucker,” came a growl from behind Apollyon, and all four boys turned to look. Eden and Azazel now stood in front of Apollyon, Azazel looking like a rabid dog, and Eden looking peaceful as a sleeping dragon. Cain had a feeling that they were secretly very scary.

Who was he kidding? It wasn’t a secret at all.

“I didn’t take your phone,” Eden said monotonously, and okay, maybe now Cain could see why Azazel thought Eden was so hot - they had this mysterious vibe about them, like they had a secret, or superpowers, or something. 

Eden cocked their head to one side, and Judas - out of Apollyon’s line of sight - shifted almost imperceptibly closer to Cain.

“What did you have on your phone that was so important?” Eden’s white fringe swayed slightly to one side, each individual hair seemingly pointing to Apollyon and asking “What are you guilty of?”

“I know you did it, you weird little shit,” Apollyon spit, “And I’ll prove it. Have fun on your date.”

And with that, he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my day. please. i love u  
> also: they saw infinity war. i'm dead inside


	8. though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eden and Azazel are plotting. Isaac is plotting (though that's mostly implied). Judas suspects that Isaac is plotting, and technically, he's right - but also wrong. XXXXXXX, Lilith, and Maggy and plotting. Everyone's just plotting, man. Except Lazarus. He's got exams to study for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy!! feeling super productive today so i wrote this little number  
> tell me if you like it! more coming soon, maybe even tomorrow, depending on how long this energy last (probably 48 hours LOL SEE WHAT I DID THERE)

******ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 4:12PM.**

**ISAACTLY:** So…   
**ISAACTLY:** Are we going to talk about what happened today?

**RUSLASER:** What did I miss?

**JUDASISM:** THAT’S WHAT SAMSON SAID

**FIGHTCLUB:** I cannot believe I missed that because I was looking in EB games. I’ll never forgive myself.

**ISAACLTY:** Oh my god, Lazarus, has no one told you?

**GOODLUCK:** I sort of assumed that you’d already told him

**JUDASISM:** yeah same

**ISAACTLY:** Basically uh    
**ISAACTLY:** Apollyon went looking for Eden and found us   
**ISAACTLY:** He thinks that Eden showed stuff on Apollyon’s phone to the cops   
**ISAACTLY:** And then Eden and Azazel showed up and I think Eden basically scared Apollyon away (?)

**GOODLUCK:** Pretty much

**RUSLASER:** I missed this??!! Oh, man…

**JUDASISM:** you also missed the movie but no one seems to care about that apparently

**RUSLASER:** NO SPOILERS

**DEMONKID:** uhhhhh i may have forgotten to tell you this until now

**GOODLUCK:** ??

**DEMONKID:** so um   
**DEMONKID:** keeper goes to the bank every weekend at the same time   
**DEMONKID:** and um. he’s beat up pretty bad

**ISAACTLY:** Damn. Cain was right

**GOODLUCK:** As per usual.

**JUDASISM:** liar

**ISAACTLY:** liar

**FIGHTCLUB:** liar

**GOODLUCK:** This is bullying

**SEENOEVIL:** Am I reading this right? Someone’s threatening your friend, Azazel?

**DEMONKID:** haha please don’t freak out????

**SEENOEVIL:** LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED YOU HAD TO GO TO HOSPITAL   
**SEENOEVIL:** AND SO DID SHE   
**SEENOEVIL:** AND SO DID HE   
**SEENOEVIL:** I AM DEFINITELY FREAKING OUT.

**JUDASISM:** sorry what

**MAGLEEN:** It’s okay, Lil   
**MAGLEEN:** Apollyon thinks he’s a king, but he’s not   
**MAGLEEN:** He’ll settle down eventually

**ISAACTLY:** Uhhhhhh I wouldn’t downplay it that much Maggy    
**ISAACTLY:** He’s pretty pissed off

**JUDASISM:** but

  
**JUDASISM:** what

\--

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO GARDENOF AT 5:43PM.**

**DEMONKID:** how is he?

**GARDENOF:** Sleeping.

**DEMONKID:** I know you’re mad but please don’t do anything rash

**GARDENOF:** I’m not an idiot, Azazel   
**GARDENOF:** And I don’t need to worry over me. I can take care of myself

**DEMONKID:** oh fuck i KNOW that   
**DEMONKID:** u r one scary bitch

**GARDENOF:** Oh.   
**GARDENOF:** Thanks?

**GARDENOF:** I guess I’m extra mad because Keeper has been saving up for a while to put that deposit in the bank

**DEMONKID:** ??

**GARDENOF:** Well, Keeper generally puts his pocket money into his bank account along with any other money he gets, every Saturday   
**GARDENOF:** Except he’s been saving any spare change and stuff for the last couple of weeks, even some lunch money   
**GARDENOF:** So he could make a deposit this weekend, because we didn’t get pocket money this week

**DEMONKID:** okay…

**DEMONKID:** wait, apollyon took keeper’s money???

**GARDENOF:** Yes.

**DEMONKID:** well you could report that to the cops!

**GARDENOF:** That’s not a good idea.

**DEMONKID:** why not?

**GARDENOF:** Because Apollyon’s father is in the force. Apollyon knows where we live because he came over for barbecues when we were kids. His dad wouldn’t let us have protective custody or anything, I don’t think he believes that his son is capable of seriously hurting anybody.

**DEMONKID:** so you’re saying… no cops?

**GARDENOF:** Yes.

**DEMONKID:** oh, man…

**GARDENOF:** I didn’t say we’re not doing anything about it.

**DEMONKID:** uhhh wait what

**GARDENOF:** Off-the-record operations are a favourite of mine.

**DEMONKID:** you’re brilliant and i’m so happy we’re friends now

\--

Azazel shifted in the beanbag next to Keeper’s bed. Keeper had a really nice room, actually - cool posters, good desk. The boy was asleep on his bed, turning over occasionally, murmuring something. Eden had gone to get some food and glass of water for Keeper’s bedside table, in case their twin woke up while Eden and Azazel were coming up with a plan in the next room. 

Azazel could feel things changing between them - originally he’d hung out with Eden because he thought it would be easy to get laid, honestly. But now he didn’t even care about that, not at  _ all.  _ Eden was the most interesting person he’d ever met and if they were never, ever interested in him, Azazel would still want to be friends with them. Right now, it was enough to even be in the same room as Eden. 

Maybe Azazel was falling in love with them, but that didn’t matter to him, really. Now was the time to put his feelings aside - there were more important things he had to deal with. Like, you know. A possibly murderous dude who wanted his (best?) friend’s head on a spike.

Azazel stood up, shivering slightly. It was really fucking cold in Keeper and Eden’s house. Were they, like, reptiles or something? He glanced over at Keeper’s restless, bruised face. He wouldn’t be surprised.

Keeper began to stir, eyes flickering open. Ah, crap. Caught staring. Now he seemed like a creep.

“Azazel?” Keeper mumbled, “What… where’s Eden?” The boy’s eyes shot wide open.

“Shit!” He gasped, “Oh, god, is he okay-”

“He’s fine!” Azazel confirmed hurriedly, “Fuck- chill. He’s downstairs. He’s fine. Everyone’s fine. Except you, and hopefully, shortly, Apollyon.”

Keeper paused, eyes narrowing, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Doesn’t matter. Do you remember us getting you back here?” Azazel frowned nervously. Maybe Keeper had a concussion, like Cain? Or… hm. That could be really serious, right? Eden had said that he didn’t have any broken bones, but…

“Uh… kinda,” Keeper sighed, “Did he take the money?” 

“Um,” Azazel bit his lip, “... Yes…?”

“Dammit,” Keeper groaned, and made to get up, wincing.

“Hey, now-” Azazel stepped forward, pressing him backwards slightly, “No, man, you don’t wanna get up. Eden said he didn’t break anything, but you’ve got some bruises and a nasty cut on your forehead.”

“Oh. That’s what that is,” Keeper sighed, lying back down, “I’ll never get in. You know, I don’t know why I even bother.”

Azazel cocked his head to one side. What was Keeper talking about? The confusion on his face must have been evident, because the other boy continued.

“There’s a scholarship,” Keeper explained, “I’ve been saving up for it for a long time. My parents didn’t really want me to go, because even if I get the grades, it’s still going to cost a lot... so. Yeah.”

“A scholarship?” Azazel sat back down on the blanket, hearing the creak of footsteps on the stairs.

“Yeah,” Keeper said numbly.

“Hey,” Eden smiled at their twin, white hair falling into their eyes, “You’re awake.”

“No shit,” Keeper huffed, and Azazel caught the hint of pain in his breath.

Eden put the glass of water they were carrying on Keeper’s bedside table, and handed Azazel a plate of crackers, cheese, and chopped fruit, motioning for him to get out of the way. The dark-haired boy obliged, snacking on some apple and a raspberry. 

“Fuck, I’m so hungry,” Azazel mumbled, “Haven’t even had lunch.”

“What?” Eden turned from examining their twin, and gazed worriedly at Azazel, “You need to eat. Have everything on that plate.”

“Dude, don’t worry about me!” Azazel grinned as Keeper eagerly gave him a thumbs up. No matter what Azazel had been thinking before, about his crush not really mattering, he had to admit it was pretty comforting to know that your crush’s twin brother was basically your wingman.

\--

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 1:57PM.**

**JUDASISM:** i’m so bored

**RUSLASER:** So study.

**EMOFUCK:** get drunk

**JUDASISM:** neither of those are appealing

**RUSLASER:** Eve, you’re a terrible influence.

**EMOFUCK:** can’t be a terrible influence if i can’t bloody influence people can i

**RUSLASER:** :///

**GOODLUCK:** Come over

**JUDASISM:** wait really

**GOODLUCK:** Yeah sure   
**GOODLUCK:** Do you know where I live?

**JUDASISM:** yeah your mom gave me your address

**GOODLUCK:** Oh okay lol

**EMOFUCK:** that was a surprisingly civil conversation   
**EMOFUCK:** y’all gay

**GOODLUCK:** Stfu

**EMOFUCK:** AND A VERY CIVIL RESPONSE   
**EMOFUCK:** UR ACCEPTING URSELF

**JUDASISM:** bs   
**JUDASISM:** cain’s straighter than a ruler

**ISAACTLY:** Wanna bet

**JUDASISM:** 20 bucks says we spend this afternoon talking about some crush he has on some hot girl feat. me complaining cause idk anything abt girls

**ISAACTLY:** Well you don’t know anything about guys either but sure

**JUDASISM:** rude, but fair

**ISAACTLY:** Okay well 20 bucks says you two make out

**JUDASISM:** HAHA okay isaac be prepared to lose ur money

//

**ISAACTLY SENT A MESSAGE TO GOODLUCK AT 2:01PM.**

**ISAACTLY:** Kindly use your ridiculously good luck with bets and your massive influence in this situation to make sure I don’t lose my money

**GOODLUCK:** Isaac. What the fuck.

**ISAACTLY:** I’m counting on you buddy. Don’t let me down

**GOODLUCK:** Fuck I hate you

**ISAACTLY:** Seriously though   
**ISAACTLY:** Tell him!! I think it will help with everything ok

**GOODLUCK:** UGH   
**GOODLUCK:** I’ll think about it

**ISAACTLY:** Good

\--

Judas paused at the door of Cain’s house, considering his options.

  1. Cain would discuss hot girls and Judas would complain - the most likely scenario
  2. Judas would, stupidly, make a move, and get punched in the face - reasonably likely
  3. Cain would ask him awkward questions and Judas would confess and then they’d never be friends again - slightly less likely but not impossible
  4. They would… uh. Highly unlikely.



Judas abruptly realised he’d never told Isaac about his dumb crush, which made this whole situation even weirder, actually - if Isaac had known, he totally would have tried to set Cain and Judas up like this.

A prickle of anxiety spiked in Judas’ stomach. What if this was some kind plan to get Judas to embarrass himself? No, no - Isaac wouldn’t do that.

But Cain, the old Cain, the Cain Judas used to think he had completely figured out, he would. Maybe he’d somehow convinced Isaac to- no! That was dumb. This was his anxiety being a little bitch. Everything was going to be fine. Even though Cain’s discussion of hot girls was going to be excruciating, he could probably handle it.

\--

They ended up playing video games for a while on Cain’s - ridiculously-expensive-looking - lounge, using the  _ massive  _ television. 

_ “Fuck!”  _ Cain swore loudly as he lost again, “How are you so good at this? Who do you even play it with?”

“Isaac, mostly,” Judas shrugged, “You?”

“My sister, she’s twelve,” Cain grumbled, “And Isaac, occasionally. For someone whose mom never lets him play video games, he’s ridiculously good.”

“It’s cause he plays with Lazarus, like, 24/7,” Judas mumbled distractedly, getting his cart on track as they started a new game. They were playing Mario Kart, because teenagers don’t play  _ anything else, ever.  _ A small break in the conversation somehow felt tense, and Cain rushed to fill it.

“What do you think of that?” Cain asked awkwardly, “Like, Lazarus clearly likes Isaac - which is cute, in a weird way, but… like, does Isaac not  _ know?” _

_ “Cute?”  _ Judas laughed, “It’s kind of sad, really. Isaac is never gonna like him back.”

“How do you know-  _ god damn it, Judas-  _ how do you know that?” Cain huffed as he lost yet again.

“‘Cause he’s not interested, man,” Judas shrugged, putting the controller down for a moment and stretching his hands.

“Not interested...” Cain paused, “Like, in guys? Or…?”

“In anything. Anyone. Nada,” Judas smirked, enjoying the confusion radiating off the other boy, “I mean, I don’t think so, anyway.”

“That’s a thing?” Cain’s brow furrowed, “Okay. Weird.”

Judas opened his mouth to protest, but Cain quickly continued. 

“Not in, like, a bad way, or anything-” He sighed, “I just meant, like. I haven’t heard of that before, that’s all.”

Judas promptly shut his mouth.

“So… what about you?” Cain questioned nervously, “Any, uh. Complexities? Or, just. Y’know. Gay?”

Judas found himself laughing out loud at Cain’s manner. This giant dork.

“No, I’m just, uh,” Judas snickered, “I’m just gay, man.”

“Okay!” Cain put his hands up, “Are we done with Mario Kart?”

“What, moving on to twenty questions?” Judas asked sarcastically, smiling, until he saw the expression on Cain’s face.

“I mean, if you want,” the blond crossed his legs on the tan-coloured leather.

Dear lord. He was serious.

\--

_ ERROR:  _ Hey um. Lilith?

**SEENOEVIL:** Do I know you? Why do you keep messaging me?

_ ERROR:  _ Cause you’re the only one can see my messages, for some reason. I need you to give your phone to Maggy.

**SEENOEVIL:** How do you know Magdalene is here with me? Who are you? Are you watching us?   
**SEENOEVIL:** I’m thinking about talking to the police about this.

_ ERROR:  _ Oh, god, please do. Maybe they could help me figure this out.   
_ ERROR:  _ Wait. No. Don’t do that. The police are involved with the government. Shit.

**SEENOEVIL:** What on earth are you talking about?    
**SEENOEVIL:** I can’t tell if you need help or if I should be scared of you.

_ ERROR:  _ Is it bad if I say probably both?

**SEENOEVIL:** It’s certainly concerning.

_ ERROR:  _ … How do I get you to trust me?

**SEENOEVIL:** You can start by telling me your name.

_ ERROR:  _ I can’t quite remember… I think people call me “XXXXXXX” or something?

**SEENOEVIL:** But…?   
**SEENOEVIL:** Wasn’t that someone who died?

_ ERROR:  _ Yep. Hi. Uh… I’m a ghost who got trapped in “the cloud” or whatever that journalist said

**SEENOEVIL:** I don’t think I should talk to you.

_ ERROR:  _ I can prove it. Anything you want to see on your phone, I can do.

**SEENOEVIL:** AO3.

_ ERROR:  _ Bam.   
_ ERROR:  _ Wow, man. You read some really fucked up shit.

**SEENOEVIL:** So you’re a hacker. So what? Why are stalking me?

_ ERROR: _ Because you’re the only one who talks to me!! Damn it okay  here’s a file for you to read

**SEENOEVIL:** Well, this is fake. 

_ ERROR:  _ Anything at all. I’m like a computer. Come on.

**SEENOEVIL:** Give me the FBI file on Azazel Carter.

_ ERROR:  _ I don’t think you want to do that. What if someone finds out? They’ll think it was you.

**SEENOEVIL:** What, you too chicken to hack the FBI, ghost boy?

_ ERROR:  _ I can block them from detecting this, I think. But if I fuck it up, it’s not my fault. I’ve only had like a year to try and understand how this all works. I’m basically a toddler.

**SEENOEVIL:** Oh my god. Oh my god the file actually exists. Fuck. Jesus christ on a bike.

_ ERROR:  _ LET MAGGY TYPE PLEASE I HAVE TO TELL HER SOMETHING

**SEENOEVIL:** Hello? This is Magdalene. I’m not buying anything you’re selling, but whatever. What do you want?

_ ERROR:  _ TELL ISAAC THAT IT WAS ME THAT SAW THE STUFF ON APOLLYON’S PHONE. I GAVE AN ANONYMOUS TIPOFF TO THE COPS, SENT THEM SOME PICTURES.

**SEENOEVIL:** The caps lock really isn’t necessary.

_ ERROR:  _ Sorry. Happens when I’m panicked. Um.   
_ ERROR:  _ Tell Isaac that I’m watching a conversation with Apollyon and someone else, some guy named Sam? I think? And Apollyon does not seem happy. He wants to find Eden and “make him confess”

**SEENOEVIL:** Why would I tell Isaac?

_ ERROR:  _ BECAUSE HE’S IN FUCKING DANGER APOLLYON IS OUT FOR BLOOD AND NOT JUST EDEN’S EITHER

**SEENOEVIL:** Okay, but why wouldn’t I just tell Azazel? If you are who you say you are, I assume you’ve been reading all our messages. I’m therefore assuming you know who Azazel is, and that he’s much closer to Eden than Isaac.

_ ERROR:  _ Azazel is too close to that. He’ll probably try and find Apollyon on his own.

**SEENOEVIL:** Point.

_ ERROR:  _ Listen, here’s my plan. We get Isaac to contact ??? (the person who randomly messaged Isaac asking for help? That’s the journalist. I still don’t actually know what ??? needed help with…)   
_ ERROR:  _ We get ??? to prove to Apollyon that it was me who showed the cops his weird bullying disturbia photos, not Eden. I can’t do it because that will seem weird and obvious and I kind of want an excuse to talk to ??? again because man, am I bored.

**SEENOEVIL:** I’m going to choose to ignore that fact that you’ve based your plan around the fact that you’re “bored,” even though you’re living in the biggest library of all time.

_ ERROR:  _ And I’m choosing to ignore that comment.    
_ ERROR:  _ Apollyon can’t hurt me, so! Problem solved!

**SEENOEVIL:** There are so many flaws in this plan it’s not even funny.

_ ERROR:  _ Like what???

**SEENOEVIL:** First of all, you think Apollyon won’t tell someone that there’s some random child living on the web?

_ ERROR:  _ Okay, that’s fair. So… we say that ??? found the photos.

**SEENOEVIL:** And why was ??? (what kind of hacker name is that? Mendax was so much cooler) looking through Apollyon’s files in the first place?

_ ERROR:  _ Um. Because ??? and Isaac are friends (we can make that happen), and Isaac wanted to get dirt on Apollyon, so he asked his hacker buddy to find some?

**SEENOEVIL:** Because Isaac definitely won’t get bashed up for that.

_ ERROR:  _ UGH!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay!! hmu on my tumblr @dep-op-ex-pression if you have questions, or just ask them here! comments and kudos are greatly appreciated


	9. the blood of the covenant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationships formed by choice and reinforced under pressure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YO sorry this took so long exams are coming and i'm St-Ressed(tm)  
> anyways here have this i put a lot of work into it

“Who’s the hottest girl in school?” Judas asked, running out of embarrassing questions to ask. Cain groaned in response. Good, one that he didn’t want to answer. Judas had him now.

“Uhhh…” Cain paused, “None? Well, I mean,  _ objectively  _ Lilith is  _ really  _ hot-”

“Oh my  _ god,”  _ Judas covered his face, this back on the floor and legs hanging over the lounge, body upside-down, “I am totally telling Azazel.”

“I will not hesitate to end you,” Cain scowled, “And anyway, it’s not like I want to  _ date  _ her.”

“Well, who  _ do  _ you want to date?” Judas smirked, and Cain suddenly seemed very uncomfortable. 

_ ‘Ha,’  _ Judas thought,  _ ‘I’ll get over this as quickly as possible if I know he likes some random girl. I bet it’s Rose.’ _

“It’s… kind of awkward, sorry?” Cain twitched.

“Awkward?!” Judas exclaimed, “That’s not-”

“And you only get one question anyway! It’s my go,” Cain grinned, “Who’s the hottest  _ guy  _ at our school?”

Judas felt part of his soul die.

I mean, he could just  _ lie,  _ couldn’t he? He didn’t have to say “it’s you, you’re glorious, I’m in love.”

But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just lie to his face like that. He had to tell him.

Or maybe…

“Let’s make a deal,” Judas paused, and Cain raised an eyebrow, “We play another game, and if I win, I don’t have to answer. If you win,  _ you  _ don’t have to answer. Deal?”

Cain fidgeted, before nodding.

“Okay,” Cain smiled hesitantly, “Deal. I’m gonna win this one, I can feel it.”

Needless to say, Judas smashed his ass into the ground.

“Fuck you!” Cain screeched, coming in at 5th place, and throwing his controller on the ground. He punched Judas in the arm.

Judas laughed, shoving him back, and somehow they ended up on the floor, tussling and pushing and laughing loudly, and somehow... somehow, Judas had Cain’s arms pinned underneath him, Cain’s features flipped upside down by the way he was lying, body pointing like true north towards Judas. The brown-haired boy watched as Cain caught his breath, and witnesses a challenging smile bloom like spring across his features. And suddenly it was Cain springing up, forcing Judas to the floor and forcing a laugh out of Judas’ chest, too, a smile out of his face, drawing him thinner and thinner like a wire, ductile and flexible, smoother than water, until-

“I win,” Cain murmured, legs on either side of Judas’ torso and a smirk on his face like he’d just won the lottery.

“I don’t believe that was the deal,” Judas remarked quietly, sitting up, heart beating in his throat.

“Oh,” Cain took a deep breath in, and leaned towards the other boy, “In answer to your question:  _ you.” _

Judas almost,  _ almost  _ couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was a tense sort of pause.

“And in answer to yours,” Judas whispered, inching upwards, “You.”

...

Kissing Judas was like… a drum. A drum beating behind Cain’s eyes, driving him forward, asking for more. It was like a golden snake slithering in his stomach, reaching down to his wrists, warming him. 

And okay, yes,  _ maybe  _ Cain was totally flipping out, but that was fine. That was totally fine.

Judas shifted his angle slightly and Cain fell forward, hungry, grasping, skin electric under the crush of Judas’ lips on his, and-

There was someone at the door.

\--

_ ERROR:  _ Okay, so basically, you’re super smart

**???:** Are we stating facts for fun or is there another motive behind this?

_ ERROR:  _ There's an ulterior motive but it’s not necessarily a bad one

**???:** Apologise.   
**???:** Then continue.

_ ERROR: _ I’m really, really sorry about being a little bitch. That enough?

**???:** Eh. I’ll take it.

_ ERROR:  _ Okay so I have some questions, a couple of suggestions, on how to fight instead of fleeing west

**???:** If you thought I wouldn’t catch that reference you were wrong. 

_ ERROR:  _ Darn.    
_ ERROR:  _ Okay so basically why were you asking for help from Isaac in the first place?

**???:** Because I had notes on you, and I knew where you went to school, so I picked a student and hoped it was the right one.

_ ERROR:  _ Well, that’s coincidental, seeing as I ended up basically stalking this particular group of people

**???:** Uh…   
**???:** I don’t really think that’s coincidence? They are the most interesting people at your school.

_ ERROR:  _ I guess so   
_ ERROR:  _ Have you tried to contact Isaac again?

**???:** No, he never responded. I decided I’d just leave him alone.

_ ERROR:  _ Ugh, you’re too nice. There’s a problem

**???:** ???

_ ERROR:  _ Ha. ???: ???   
_ ERROR:  _ Sorry um   
_ ERROR:  _ Basically, there’s this nasty guy. Apollyon?

**???:** You mentioned him in the interview

_ ERROR:  _ Wow. Why don’t I remember that? 

**???:** I don’t know. Same reason I don’t remember that?

_ ERROR:  _ That doesn’t make sense, I remember some things but not others?

**???:** I don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with your weird heebie jeebie powers.

_ ERROR:  _ Don’t remind me   
_ ERROR:  _ Anyway, Apollyon thinks that Eden (this cool kid) hacked into his phone, and showed some stuff to the cops, when it was actually me (I WAS DOING THE WORLD A SERVICE TRUST ME)

**???:** Aw. They grow up so fast.

_ ERROR:  _ Weirdo   
_ ERROR:  _ Ok but what do I do??? Like I was talking with Lilith and Maggy, and maybe we could convince Apollyon it was me? But he thinks I’m dead, so that doesn’t work, and it can’t be you because his dad’s in the force and he’ll probably track you down and kill you so

**???:** You can talk to Maggy and Lilith now??

_ ERROR:  _ That. That is what you got from that text

**???:** Sorry. Uh. I can “prove” it was me and make it untraceable, if you’d like.

_ ERROR:  _ Really? You’d do that? (You CAN do that??!)

**???:** Yes, sure. But… you owe me.

_ ERROR:  _ … What do I owe you?

**???:** Actually, nevermind. You don’t owe me anything.

_ ERROR:  _ What were you going to ask for??

**???:** A story. For you to come clean about where you are and what you can do. But… that’s not a good idea. Sorry.

_ ERROR:  _ Yeah. Uh. No.

**???:** After this, you won’t want to talk to me anymore, will you?

_ ERROR:  _ What? Why would you think that??

**???:** Well, it’s all my fault. We had an accident while I was driving, I   
**???:** I killed you, XXXXXXX.

_ ERROR:  _ Stop calling me that.

**???:** Calling you what?

_ ERROR:  _ “XXXXXXX”

**???:** But that’s your name.

_ ERROR:  _ It can’t be. What kind of a dumbass name is “XXXXXXX”?

**???:** But   
**???:** Wait, uh. Let me check something.

**???:** Wow. There’s some sort of bug in the code. It… masks the letters, or something, and masks them… back? My way? This doesn’t make any sense.

_ ERROR:  _ What?

**???:** So when you see XXXXXXX you see “XXXXXXX”

_ ERROR:  _ What???

**???:** Uh. Wait.   
**???:** X X X X X X X

_ ERROR:  _ Sorry I have NO idea what you’re saying

**???:** Well, I don’t know how to get around this.  Your name is not seven crosses. But I can’t let you see it for some reason   
**???:** Theoretically, that should be impossible. You’re in everybody’s computers. I’m… sorry?

_ ERROR:  _ Eh. Whatever. You can call me… Steve

**???:** No offence, but…   
**???:** No.

//

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 3:30PM.**

**JUDASISM:** I FUCKED UP ISAAC YOU GOTTA HELP ME

**ISAACTLY:** Did you make out

**JUDASISM:** HIS DAD CAME INTO THE ROOM AND I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA FUCK US UP MAN   
**JUDASISM:** LIKE HE WAS MAD

**ISAACTLY:** SO YOU /DID/ MAKE OUT

**JUDASISM:** ISAAC   
**JUDASISM:** NOT THE POINT

**ISAACTLY:** Oh, right. Sorry. Um. Crap. What are you going to do?

**JUDASISM:** i don’t know he kicked us out   
**JUDASISM:** like   
**JUDASISM:** what are we supposed to do in this situation??? cain is freaking out and i can’t help him because i am ALSO FLIPPING MY SHIT

**ISAACTLY:** Okay. Come over to Eve’s house and I’ll meet you there, and we can figure it out. Alright?

**JUDASISM:** ok   
**JUDASISM:** ok i can do that

**ISAACTLY:** Alright. I’ll see you in… ?

**JUDASISM:** 20 mins   
**JUDASISM:** wow i’m so unhealthy that my legs hurt just from walking to cain’s

**ISAACTLY:** That’s not exactly your fault Judas

**JUDASISM:** ?

**ISAACTLY:** You have a severe illness

**JUDASISM:** oh, yeah. i do, don’t i?

...

“I mean,” Lilith’s voice crackled through the speaker of Maggy’s phone as she walked home, “We could try and distract Apollyon. By doing something worse to him.”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Maggy laughed, “I’m beginning to see how you and Azazel are related.”

“That’s offensive,” Lilith groaned, and Maggy could almost see the pout in her lips. She liked this new girl. Maybe she could survive the year if life continued to be like this. Although, she was almost home, which meant that particular fantasy was unlikely. 

“Hey, uh,” Maggy swallowed thickly, seeing her house at the top of the hill. Sometimes, she thought her mother bought that particular house just to torture Maggy and Isaac’s legs. Ugh.

“I’m almost home, so I’ll talk to you later?” Maggy finished.

“Yeah, definitely!” Lilith exclaimed, “Don’t worry, we’ll figure this all out. They need us. And in the meantime… Good luck with your mom.”

“Yeah,” Maggy sighed, “Thanks.” She hung up the phone and shoved it into her pocket, nervous to walk through the door - she never knew how her mother would react after she got back from a friend’s. Even though she’d given Maggy permission to go, sometimes she might claim that she hadn’t, made Maggy doubt herself, doubt her own memory and judgement. Isaac had told her, later, when she’d confided in him, that it was called gaslighting.

It was happening more and more often, these days, and though Maggy had built walls against her mother’s endless torrent of criticism and… abuse (it was better, if Maggy just admitted it was abuse), those walls were wearing thin.

As she climbed the hill, she let her thoughts wander. Yes, she loved Isaac and his ragtag group, but something about finally having a friend of her own made Maggy feel… good. Warm. She hadn’t had a friend in a long time. The last one… left.

As she neared her front door, something twisted in her stomach. She could see that it was open ever so slightly, and her mind jumped to the thousand horrific things she might find inside. But as she stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind her, calling out if anyone was home, she was faced with silence. Somehow, that made it worse - made her heart beat faster and her throat tighten. It was fine. Everything was fine. Her mom was probably getting groceries and Isaac had gone over to Eve’s place, and had forgotten to lock the door. It wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before.

But something had changed in the past few days. Apollyon, the kid that died being… still alive, somehow, with some kind of magic powers - wait.

Magic powers.

Christ, what was her life coming to?

Maggy pulled her phone out again and called Isaac, but got his stupid “love me and leave me… a message after the tone” voicemail. She tried her mom’s number, too, but soon realised that was pointless as she heard the default ringtone coming from the kitchen. As she made her way there, cautiously checking each room, she sighed. It was dumb to freak out about no one being home. How was she going to survive living on her own?

Not that she was planning to live on her own, but… well, Isaac needed to get a job. She couldn’t support both of them on the money she’d saved by working at the supermarket. And even when they moved out of their mom’s house, it was only a matter of time before Isaac moved away from Maggy, too.

God, there was too much going on in her life right now. 

//

Cain had been awfully silent on the walk over, and that alone made Judas’ stomach twist. Judas thought maybe he was lucky his parents didn’t give a shit. 

Cain cleared his throat as they made their way up to Eve’s house, glancing over to Judas nervously. Maybe he thought the other boy wouldn’t notice, but Judas did. He was studying Cain with an intent he usually reserved for… well. Brick walls, maybe? The ceiling of his bedroom?

“Are you alright?” Judas asked, and Cain winced slightly. Oops. Wrong question.

“Yep,” Cain fixed his eyes on the ground again.

Judas was afraid. He didn’t want Cain to be hated by his parents, or… you know, kicked out of his house (again). But he was more afraid that Cain would want to pretend that nothing had ever happened, which would inevitably end in them fighting, and… progress? Don’t know her. 

That was probably selfish. He was essentially asking Cain to choose  _ him,  _ someone who’d… basically been an asshole to Cain his entire life, over Cain’s own parents. But, he attempted to rationalise, it wasn’t that he was choosing  _ Judas,  _ but choosing  _ acceptance. _

Ha, nope. Judas still felt like a dick.

Fuck.

…

Eve’s room was slightly hazy, smoke from the candles the constantly burned making Judas’ lungs burn slightly. Christ, how did she live in this?

“Dude,” Judas coughed, “Can we put some candles out?”

“What?” Eve spun around, seeing Judas’ pained expression, and grinned apologetically, “Oh. Sorry, sure.”

When some of the smoke had dissipated, Judas broke the tense silence. Everyone (Lazarus, Samson, Isaac, Cain, and Eve) was there, just… waiting.

“So, uh,” Judas began, “We’re fucked.”

“Uh huh,” Eve sighed, “Cain, what do you want to do? They’re your parents.”

“Unfortunately,” Cain said blankly. 

“Oh, shit,” Isaac’s jaw dropped as he pulled out his phone, “Sorry, guys, I gotta-”

“Really?” Judas frowned.

“Maggy’s called me like eight times,” Isaac swallowed guiltily, “If nothing’s wrong, I’ll come straight back.” 

With that, he left the room.

“And then there were five,” Samson deadpanned. Eve punched him in the arm.

\--

**GARDENOF SENT A MESSAGE TO DEMONKID AT 4:12PM.**

**GARDENOF:** Okay, so there’s something I think you should know.

**DEMONKID:** oh nice and ominous ok

**GARDENOF:** Apollyon and I… have history.

**DEMONKID:** haha okay uh WHAT

**GARDENOF:** Oh, wait no   
**GARDENOF:** Not in a romantic sense!

**DEMONKID:** ok???

**GARDENOF:** Well, my mother remarried and had Keeper and I with my father, Paul. But my mother also had a child with her previous husband.

**DEMONKID:** you’re kidding. you are not telling me

**GARDENOF:** Yeah, I know. It used to be all fine, or as fine as it could be I suppose, but this whole phone thing has brought his old jealousy to the surface, I think.

**DEMONKID:** APOLLYON IS YOUR HALF-BROTHER???? WHAT

**GARDENOF:** Sorry. I probably should have told you sooner.

**DEMONKID:** nono man don’t worry about that just uh. damn

**GARDENOF:** Mhm.

**DEMONKID:** can i tell the others or ?

**GARDENOF:** I mean, it is kind of embarrassing…

**DEMONKID:** i know, my sister tells me that everyday   
**DEMONKID:** it could be useful information, though

**GARDENOF:** Okay.

//

**DEMONKID SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 4:15PM.**

**DEMONKID:** guess what, suckers? big news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "and they were related"  
> "oh my god, they were related"


	10. the water of the womb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmare // no tact // Rolling Stones // confrontation // _physically manifest_ // SO UH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so sorry. this took me so long to finish and i didn't even get what i wanted done, it's not even 2000 words. i know you've been expecting something great because of all the time i spent on this chapter, but there's basically nothing. sorry guys :(

“Maggy?” Isaac called out into the seemingly empty house. A noise from the living room told him his sister was home, and he quickly made his way there. Maggy was sitting on the couch with her back to him, facing the television - a Christian broadcast, something about the lion and the lamb. She was wearing some kind of hairpiece? Sometimes she tried new things with her hair (ribbons, new styles), but Isaac hadn’t seen any of those for a long while. Maybe she was feeling better?

“Hey…” Isaac trailed off as his sister turned to look at him. Bruises lay like quickly-slathered oil paint, yellow-greens and purples, and the adornment Isaac had thought to be a headband was, in fact, a crown of thorns. Where the points pricked her flesh ran trickles of blood, as raindrops down the pale windshield of her face. 

“Why weren’t you here, Isaac?” Maggy whispered, a vicious snarl hidden behind her thin mask of sadness, “You could have saved me from her.”

That was not his sister.

Isaac felt the walls shift slightly, saw dark smudges in the hall, in the corners of his vision. Wolves circled him, moonlight-grey fur matted with blood and dirt, saliva dripping from their mouths. Isaac felt the weight of something in his hand, and he glanced down. A dark metal dagger, glinting in the kitchen light. Deeply inhaling the scent of his mother’s perfume and the subtler pine scent of humanity’s darkest, primordially-ingrained fear - the smell of the woods, of being hunted - Isaac dropped the weapon. The wolves lunged.

Bathed in sweat, Isaac jolted upright, and reached for the lamp on his bedside table. Maggy was fine. She was fine. She had some bruises, but Mom hadn’t gone all out. She was okay. Everything was going to be okay. 

//

Across town, a tall boy with a mean stature shocked himself awake. What had he been dreaming about? Something to do with wolves, and… Isaac, that kid who Eden was all friendly with now… 

Apollyon had to find a reason - a good reason - for everything the cops found. And if he couldn’t, he’d at least have to find a way to get revenge on everyone who’d fucked up his life. Eden and Keeper, their dumb gang,  _ everyone.  _ He needed proof. He needed someone, anyone, to tell him something,  _ anything.  _

Maybe he just needed to really scare them.

\--

**JUDASISM SENT A MESSAGE TO EMOFUCK AT 6:03PM.**

**JUDASISM:** thanks for giving us a lift back

**EMOFUCK:** no problem, how’s cain?

**JUDASISM:** quiet

**EMOFUCK:** right

**EMOFUCK:** well maybe you should try to cheer him up ;)

**JUDASISM:** probably not the time dude

**EMOFUCK:** yeah you’re right i’m terrible my apologies

\--

“Eden?” Keeper hesitantly rapped on the plain white door. In contrast to Keeper’s own room, Eden’s seemed.... pure, somehow. The male twin’s room’s walls were covered in movie and comic book posters, apocalypses and zombies with bright colours and melodramatic slogans. Keeper liked looking at them - they were funny. His room’s walls were off white, except for the one his desk sat against, which was painted a golden yellow.

Eden’s room was sort of what Keeper imagined Heaven to look like. Well, actually, his version of what Heaven looked like was mostly taken from binging Supernatural, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Eden’s room was… holy. In the most weird way. Walking in there, you could feel a change in the air. Privately, Keeper thought that was why Azazel had spent so much time in Keeper’s room when he came over, even if it was subconscious - almost everybody, Keeper included, found the atmosphere of Eden’s room… disturbing.

“Come in,” came the quiet response, and the white noise Keeper had heard from behind the door lowered in volume. Was Eden… listening to music?

As Keeper entered the room, the door closing softly behind him, he saw that he was right. Eden was lying on their bed, their phone softly emanating some song, right hand resting gently across the device. Their fingers barely grazed over the volume buttons.

“What’cha listening to?” Keeper inquired, eyebrows raised. 

Eden’s eyebrows drew together slightly, “The, uh. The Rolling Stones.”

“Oh, man!” Keeper grinned, flopping down next to his twin, “Oh my god, I knew I recognised it - Azazel’s sending you music, isn't he? He probably loves ‘Sympathy For The Devil.’”

Eden smiled slightly, just a slight curl of their lips, and Keeper could already tell Eden was going to fall for Azazel head over heels.

“I'm not sure I like it,” Eden confessed awkwardly, and Keeper rolled his eyes.

“Gimme,” Keeper made a grabbing motion at Eden’s phone. Nervously, Eden handed it over.

“Don't worry, I’m not going through your photos, even though I know the holier-than-thou act is bullshit,” Keeper smirked, unlocking the phone (Eden’s passcode was the same for basically everything, the kid was too trusting), “You probably have like, a shit ton of porn on there.”

Eden resolutely glared at the ceiling, which sort of told Keeper everything he really  _ hadn't  _ needed to know.

\--

**GARDENOF SENT A MESSAGE TO DEMONKID AT 6:12PM.**

**GARDENOF:** keeper here   
**GARDENOF:** i don’t think eden likes the stones

**DEMONKID:** :((

**GARDENOF:** yeah exactly   
**GARDENOF:** according to eden they want something “clear” ???

**DEMONKID:** hm. clear and religious. i can work with that

**GARDENOF:** religious?

**DEMONKID:** they find it interesting apparently lol   
**DEMONKID:** try “cathedral” by kadebostany it’s pretty Epic

**GARDENOF:** never heard of it but ok

**GARDENOF:** WOAH this is… intense   
**GARDENOF:** Thank you, Azazel. I enjoyed the music. Feel free to send more, but Keeper and I have to go to dinner now

**DEMONKID:** oh ok bye!! i should check in with isaac and stuff anyways idk whats happened but it’s not good

**GARDENOF:** I’m sorry to hear that   
**GARDENOF:** I’ll talk to you later?

**DEMONKID:** yeah definitely   
**DEMONKID:** bye

**GARDENOF:** Goodbye

//

**KEEPERKEYS SENT A MESSAGE TO DEMONKID AT 6:17PM.**

**KEEPERKEYS:** eden likes you. i can already tell. it’s like it’s written in the stars. eden just doesn’t feel the vibe yet

**DEMONKID:** shut up and eat your dinner you nerd

**KEEPERKEYS:** owo

**DEMONKID:** christ i hate you (i don’t. i love you. don’t change a hair on your weird little head)

**KEEPERKEYS:** aw

//

Eden was not an innocent person, or a holy person - if Eden were alone, with time to think, time to evaluate and irrationally conclude, they would not even call themselves a  _ good _ person.

But Eden was not rash. 

If the kid was sure of anything, it’s that they weren’t implusive - they were patient, calculating. Logical. Methodical.

Azazel blew into their life like a small tornado, one made of curses and loud laughter and long, funny stories, and he was the only real friend Eden had… well,  _ ever _ had, apart from Keeper. And now Azazel and his friends were in danger - Isaac was a good person, Eden knew that, and Eve was funny and Samson was kind, and Judas and Cain were- well, they were a little annoying, but kind of sarcastically funny and a little bit brilliant between all the fights and longing stares. And Lazarus.

Well.

Lazarus’ parents were kind of massively rude and, to be perfectly honest,  _ complete  _ dicks, but that just made Eden admire the boy more. He was so different to his family, so honest and happy and  _ nice,  _ and now he and everyone else were being threatened by the worst douchebag to ever douche (wow, Eden’s subconscious was turning into Azazel).

Eden had to do something. Anything. They knew better than anyone how cruel Apollyon could be.

\--

**GARDENOF SENT A MESSAGE TO APOLLO67 AT 7:02PM.**

**GARDENOF:** Why are you doing this?

**GARDENOF:** I know you’ve read this already. Reply.

**APOLLO67:** What, no magic word?

**GARDENOF:** Screw you. Why are you messing with my friends?

**APOLLO67:** Because they fucked with me and they’re gonna get what they deserve

**GARDENOF:** You deserve to go to jail for what you did. What they deserve is a medal, and they didn’t even do anything.

**APOLLO67:** Oh realy   
**APOLLO67:** Then who did?

**GARDENOF:** *really. I don’t know, but I’d like to shake their hand.

**APOLLO67:** Whatever   
**APOLLO67:** I know you were in on it and after I deal with Isaac and his friends I’m coming for you

**GARDENOF:** Consider me shaking in my boots.

… 

Lazarus was curled on his bed in his room, reading over the group chat, when it happened. He didn’t usually stay up this late - it was a school night - but something important was happening. Azazel was relaying what Eden had told him, and now Lazarus was a little scared. Apollyon was just a person, but he was a tall, intimidating,  _ scary _ person, so. Y’know.

Plus his dad was a police officer, and that was disconcerting.

And Lazarus was lying there, thinking about death and video games and God, and then someone was  _ in his room. _

There was a flicker of light, a staticky kind of noise, and someone at the end of his bed, back facing Lazarus. The figure paused, then looked down at its hands. Lazarus froze.

“Lord almighty,” Lazarus whispered softly, and the figure turned. Wait-

“Aren’t you… aren’t you that kid? That…  _ died?”  _ Lazarus breathed shakily, because, uh,  _ oh my gosh? _

On impulse, Lazarus began to film the pale, confused-looking boy standing on his carpet.

“Uh…” The boy said, “Yeah, um. Wait. Lazarus?”

“Yes…?” Lazarus frowned, “What’s your name?”

He felt a little bit bad that he didn’t quite remember the kid’s name. He’d remembered the other day… what was it?

“Uh…” The boy frowned, glancing around, and his voice crackled like it was coming through a telephone.

“What’s- what’s a good one? A good name, I mean?” The boy asked, meeting Lazarus’ eyes, and noticing the way Lazarus was holding his phone, “Dude, are you seriously filming right now?”

“Uh. Yes. Because, um. You’re dead. So,” Lazarus’ hands began to shake, “Um. A name? Uh… Sam’s a good name? I guess?”

If there was one thing Lazarus didn’t think he’d be doing today, it was naming a ghost.

“Yeah, cool, Sam, nice,” The ghost - Sam, Lazarus supposed, “Yeah, I- uh. I guess I am dead, huh? I didn’t realise I could, uh…”

Sam made a vague gesture with his hands.

“You could… what?” Lazarus frowned, still filming.

“Y’know,” Sam cleared his throat, “Be here. Uh.”

Sam’s eyes flickered white, scanning and flashing, and Lazarus nearly dropped his phone.

_ “Physically manifest,”  _ Sam grinned, eyes ticking back to normal, head tilting, “Sorry. Had to check Wikipedia.”

“What even is my life?” Lazarus whispered.

\--

**RUSLASER SENT A MESSAGE TO THE CHAT “BIBLE STUDY!!1” AT 11:30PM.**

**RUSLASER:** SO UH

**EMOFUCK:** woah caps lock something’s going down

**RUSLASER:** AZAZEL YOU KNOW HOW YOUR SISTER TOLD YOU ABOUT A GHOST AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE AND THEN MAGGY TOLD ISAAC ABOUT IT AS WELL AND WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A PRANK AND THEY SORT OF GAVE UP ON CONVINCING US

**DEMONKID:** dude what   
**DEMONKID:** yeah ???

**RUSLASER:** THE KID. THE DEAD ONE HE’S IN MY ROOM HE’S READING A KID’S BIBLE AND GRINNING AND HIS EYES KEEP FLASHING WHITE AND I THINK HE’S GOOGLING STUFF WITH HIS MIND

**EMOFUCK:** okay who got lazarus high?

**RUSLASER:** I’M SERIOUS I HAVE A VIDEO

**RUSLASER SENT A VIDEO!**

**EMOFUCK:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG WHAT THE FUCK

**DEMONKID:** S H I T   
**DEMONKID:** OKAY I’M GETTING LILITH

**SEENOEVIL:** I’m already here, I could hear you shouting upstairs. **  
** **SEENOEVIL:** I told you, but did you believe me? No.

**JUDASISM:** what’s happening   
**JUDASISM:** haha okay nope fuck this i’m going to bed 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it though!! it's almost the end of term so hopefully i can write something during the holidays


	11. lock and load

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seventy-two angels fell with Samael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. so.  
> a lot of things happen in this chapter. yes, it moves very quickly. yes, there are a lot of time skips. yes, there are so many points of view it does my head in. no, i will not change it. yes, there's barely any texting in here for what was supposed to be a chat fic. yes, this gets deep. yes, i do have some issues, thanks for noticing.  
> chapter summary is the first sentence from the book "the music of razors," a great work of fiction.  
> is this the last chapter? maybe. there might be a coda in the future, but i really need to move on to other things. we'll see what happens.  
> enjoy the ride!

When Cain was 5, he’d picked up a pink shirt from the rack at Target and told his mother he wanted that one. His mother had flicked her eyes towards Cain’s father’s back nervously, and told him to put the shirt back - but Cain’s dad had already turned around, frowning down at his son.

“Put that back, Cain,” his father had rolled his eyes, “Pink is a girl colour, you know that.”

Cain _had_ known that, but he thought it was a bit of a silly rule.

“Mommy never wears pink,” Cain had frowned. His mother’s eyes were fixed on the ground.

His father’s hand had twitched.

“Well,” the man had grinned, teeth like razorblades and eyes a piercing blue, his expression so sharp it could have cut somebody in half, “Maybe she should.”

He tilted his wife’s chin upwards so she would look at him.

“We wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea, would we?”

Cain didn’t understand what that meant, at the time, but now he thought he did.

For the longest time he had been afraid that he would let his parents down by being the wrong thing - gay, or, _god forbid,_ transgender. The “wrong idea” - that his parents would accept him unconditionally. There was a limit on their love that didn’t cross certain lines.

Then Cain had actually met someone gay, and he hadn’t known that this guy on the football team liked other dudes for years and years and years because he’d never _asked,_ he’d just _assumed,_ because Jeremy was a really good player, and he made jokes and he was… a _good guy,_ you know?

And then they’d started middle school, and Jeremy was still on the football team, and he was still a good player, but something had… changed, about him. He sort of… drew into himself, a little bit.

And someone had asked him if he liked any girls, and Jeremy had said no, because he liked boys.

Jeremy had moved schools a few weeks after that.

That had been the beginning of Cain’s gay crisis. If someone could appear completely normal to everybody else, and be gay, did that mean he could be gay without even knowing it? Cain threw himself at girls and football and straight things, he was the straightest person to ever exist, straight straight straight.

And then somehow, somewhere, he’d become friends with Isaac. And that made him friends with Isaac’s friends, in some weird way, and then he’d started hanging out with them. He was friends with Eve - _whore_ \- and Samson - _unnatural_ \- and Lazarus - _too weak._

And Judas.

Cain had started to judge himself by how he felt when he looked at another guy. Usually, he didn’t feel anything. He looked at Isaac and he felt friendship, Lazarus and he felt the need to protect him (which, okay, yeah, a little bit gay). But then he looked at Judas, and mostly wanted to die. When he’d been drunk with Rachel at that eighth grade party, he’d said some things he hadn’t been entirely sure were true at the time. But now, well. There was no denying it - he was gay, which made him a huge fuckup, and he was going to hell, even though he wasn’t even sure he believed in hell anymore, which meant he was definitely going to hell, and he was so screwed, because now he had nowhere to live, and nobody who cared about him. Apart from his friends, apparently.

And, again, Judas.

Did Judas deserve a separate category? Were they friends, or still, like… enemies? Frenemies? And then there was the kiss, which Cain was sure he could blame on adrenaline or something, he could pretend Judas had kissed him and he hadn’t kissed back and he could go back to parents. Even though he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

God, his life was so fucking confusing and hard and he couldn’t deal with it.

//

Judas knocked on Cain’s door early in the morning, politely waking Cain up from his period of pretending to sleep.

“Hey, we have school, and I have an assignment, and I don’t feel like I’m going to drop dead, so I’m going…” Judas cleared his throat, “You don’t have to come. My parents didn’t come home last night, though, which means they might randomly pop in during the day. So, like… you can stay here if you want, but… yeah.”

Cain didn’t say anything.

“Lazarus saw the ghost of that dead kid last night,” the words floated through the door, and Cain tried to sort out the meaning in his head.

“What?” Cain managed to reply.

“Check the group chat. Or not. Are you coming to school, or what? I totally get it if you want to just stare at a wall all day.”

“I better come,” Cain swallowed, “Uh. I don’t have a uniform, or anything.”

The door cracked open, and Cain flinched slightly, but Judas didn’t come in. Instead, a seemingly disembodied hand dumped a pile of clothes on the floor.

“They’re all clean,” Judas closed the door again, “Hurry your ass up, or we’ll be late.”

Footsteps retreated down the hall, and Cain shivered at the draft from the sliver of open window. It was going to be a long, long day.

\--

Judas felt his illness all of the time.

Recently, he’d been feeling depressed, anxious, and whatever weird (terminal?) disease he had was really screwing with him. But his anxiety came and went. His depression came and went.

And he felt his illness _all_ of the time.

Last night, in the room next to Cain, knowing the boy wasn’t asleep, Judas had cried harder than he ever had in his life. He gave himself a headache and felt a little out of breath. He did all of this silently - because who was he, if he wasn’t the sarcastic, emotionally distant asshole? There was no advantage to cluing Cain in on his ridiculous brain dysfunction. Crying hard, silently, well, _that_ triggered something to do with his illness. He wrote it down, a little awkwardly, trying to skirt around the fact that he was having a breakdown, in the small diary the doctors had told him to keep. He could cry silently, but he couldn’t cough violently without making any noise.

He knew that this sickness would crush any dreams he had for his future - dreams of his career, his wealth, his location, his future family (which he should probably rethink). But until that very moment, Judas had been holding on to one small thread of hope that everything would turn out okay. Seeing somebody kicked out of their home, Apollyon threatening all their lives? That burned that thread to dust, his dreams along with it.

When he finally fell asleep, he didn’t dream about anything.

The next day, he dragged himself out of bed. He dragged himself to school. He dragged himself to first period. And for three seconds he was mildly okay - he didn’t have to do anything, because it was P.E.: dodgeball. The only good thing about being really sick was that no one could really make him do anything.

Until he discovered they had a student teacher.

And that meant explaining everything, all over again.

When the teacher didn’t believe him about his “mysterious illness,” he switched to his anxiety. And then to just how plain bad he felt, and that he couldn’t possibly do anything. But this hard-ass black-haired douchebag just shook his head, and told him to get on the court.

Judas should have gone to another teacher, so they could vouch for him. He should have refused and gotten a detention. He should have done anything but what he did, which was walk into the dodgeball game like an idiot.

This decision, of course, ended with Judas having a panic attack in the bathrooms, and crying (silently), and coughing (violently). And even though the floors were super gross and would probably give him chlamydia or something, Judas laid down on the cold, tiled floor, and shuddered quietly.

Because Judas felt his illness all of the time, and it seemed like his only reliable companion. Because Judas wanted to cry until his lungs gave out. Because sometimes, Judas was in the middle of feeling like shit, and was reminded that he could never do the things other kids his age did, like run along the beach or jump on a trampoline, and those simple facts made Judas want to curl up on the floor and just never get up.

It was weird how many things you noticed you could kill yourself with when you really started to look.

\--

**GOODLUCK SENT A MESSAGE TO ISAACTLY AT 10:02AM.**

**GOODLUCK:** Have you seen Judas

 **ISAACTLY:** No, but we have a grade meeting in the hall right now, he’ll probably be there   
**ISAACTLY:** Listen are you okay?

 **GOODLUCK:** Oh yeah Isaac I’m peachy

 **ISAACTLY:** Sorry   
**ISAACTLY:** Is there anything I can do?

 **ISAACTLY:** Cain?

…

Cain could see Judas in the crowd, staring blankly into space. He looked so out of place in the sea of navy uniforms, even though he was wearing the same shirt himself. Cain was suddenly reminded that he was wearing Judas’ clothes, and resisted lifting the collar of the shirt to his nose to sniff it.

“Judas,” Cain murmured as he slid beside the boy, taking the seat beside him, “Are you alright?”

“What?” Judas seemed to snap out of his trance, frowning a little in confusion. He was so irritating. It was kind of endearing.

Cain had been trying to forget about the kiss all morning. He’d been trying to force it away into a tiny box so he could lock it up and throw it away, but it wouldn’t leave him. The feeling of Judas’ slightly chapped lips on his, fire drumming in his chest, something buzzing in his veins. Even though his entire life was going to shit, he’d found something good.

And the conclusion that he’d come up with in Modern History was that he was damn well going to hold onto it.

Their year supervisor, a strict, white-haired woman who always wore sensible shoes, walked onto the stage and cleared her throat. Cain began to tune her out, before he picked up something about “bullying,” and “drugs.” Did this whole grade meeting have something to do with Apollyon?

“I just want you all to know that accusations like these are quite serious,” Mrs. Schaffer began, “And you may regret making them later if they’re not entirely true. I know we all like to get back to people who we perceive as having been rude to us. I also know that teenagers like to experiment with different labels, and the like-”

Was that Cain’s imagination, or was she looking at them? He turned his head slightly, and noticed that Eden and Azazel were sitting right behind them.

Oh.

Probably not looking at him, then.

Cain also took note of the fact that Azazel was gently cradling Eden’s hand, the pale kid staring down at the ground. Glancing over at Judas, Cain saw a mirror image of Eden - he was gazing at the floor, a sad, empty look in his eyes.

As Mrs. Schaffer droned on and on about teenage experimentation, throwing in some homophobia and generally offensive assumptions, Cain hesitantly reached out and tapped Judas’ wrist. The boy turned his head, quirking an eyebrow at him. Gently, Cain slid his palm over Judas’, trying his best to comfort his new friend. Were they friends? Oh, Christ.

Judas gave him a small smile and reluctantly turned back towards the spieling teacher. Maybe everything would turn out okay.

\--

**KEEPERKEYS SENT A MESSAGE TO GARDENOF AT 3:48PM.**

**KEEPERKEYS:** nothing will ever be okay again

 **GARDENOF:**?

 **KEEPERKEYS:** pretty sure apollyon is going to kill us all

 **GARDENOF:**?!

 **KEEPERKEYS:** okay i’ve been talking to lazarus alright? and we made plans to go and film that ghost he saw, the one who named himself sam? that’s what i was going to do this afternoon

 **GARDENOF:** Wow. Why am I not surprised. You are a huge nerd.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** yeah well i saw you and azazel HOLDING HANDS so who’s the nerd now

 **GARDENOF:** It is so, totally, not like that.   
**GARDENOF:** I think.   
**GARDENOF:** Little bit of a grey area there.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** lol ok but we were walking past the mall to get food before we went back to his place and i saw apollyon and i think he might actually try to murder me so

 **GARDENOF:** We’ll be right there. Has Lazarus told Isaac? There’s safety in numbers.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** yea i think so

 **KEEPERKEYS:** hold on who’s we?

 **GARDENOF:** Azazel and I, obviously.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** you guys became friends really fast ..

 **GARDENOF:** Hoe don’t do it.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** maybe you’ll fall for him fast too ..

 **GARDENOF:** Oh my god.

 **KEEPERKEYS:** okay enough sibling fun i’m serious get your ass here right now

...

_ERROR-_

No.

_ERROR-_

No!

 _Sam_ had been following Lazarus around all day, staying out of sight, just… drifting. He’d forgotten what it meant to talk to people. As much as he enjoyed the internet, there were some things it couldn’t give you. He’d been experimenting with his… well, his “powers,” he supposed, all day - he’d drawn on whiteboards with pens he hadn’t touched and knocked notebooks off desks with a thought. It was fun, if a little disconcerting. What exactly was he capable of?

When he’d finally folded a paper crane without making contact with the paper in Lazarus’ last class of the day, he decided he wasn’t going to use his abilities for a little while. Not unless he really needed them. The were beginning to freak him out.

After Lazarus had spotted Apollyon, Sam had materalised next to the kid. He probably traumatised him forever, but it was worth it for the look of wonder on Lazarus’ face (the expression that directly followed “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK”).

And it seemed that only Lazarus could see him.

Keeper was texting his twin as Lazarus beckoned Sam away, down the alleyway outside of the shopping complex. They couldn’t go inside, according to Keeper - which was probably a smart move. Besides, they really couldn’t risk Keeper getting beaten up again - he still had bruises.

“So, uh…” Lazarus started, “Sorry I totally freaked out last night. Not that I’m not freaking out right now, because, y’know. I am.”

“Lazarus,” Sam began, as the boy continued to nervously stutter, glancing over at Keeper, “Lazarus. Shut up.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “Why- uh. Why can’t he see you?”

“I…” Sam paused. It was a good question.

“I have no idea,” he replied, flickering slightly. It was surprisingly hard to find actual information on the internet about spirits, even despite being web-omniscient.

“Cool, cool,” Lazarus nodded, his voice an octave higher than normal.

“Who are you talking to?” Keeper called.

“Just, uh,” Lazarus swallowed, “Myself.”

“Right…” Keeper said slowly, “I think Isaac and everyone is here now, I’m gonna go find them. Coming?”

Lazarus glanced at Sam, the pale imprint of a schoolkid blinking in the light.

“No, I’ll be fine, just bring them here,” Lazarus answered, turning his back on Keeper, who nodded and made his way around to the front of the building.

\--

Isaac had lead a reasonably dull life. He was hit by his mother and left by his father, protected by his sister. His friends made him happy, sad, even angry, sometimes. His friends were his whole life. If he didn’t have them, he didn’t know what he’d be - just… nothing.

And he couldn’t afford to lose any of them to some arrogant douchebag.

Honestly, Isaac didn’t think Apollyon would kill anyone. Hurt, sure. Attack, victimise, mock, ruin? Sure. But actually do something that would _end someone’s life?_ No way.

As Isaac rounded the corner, he found that he was unbelievably, undoubtedly, incredibly wrong.

//

It was weird, Lazarus thought, that he couldn’t remember Sam’s real name. It was as if the boy had been written on a whiteboard, and somebody needed more space to write some equation or something. Sam’s name was lost.

And now so was Lazarus.

He wondered if he’d become a ghost, or maybe he’d be reborn into a bumblebee, or a lizard. Lazarus had always liked lizards. Death was weird. Things were weird. It- it _hurt,_ this electricity thudding through him like a stampede, nerve endings like lightning and heart beating fast, faster.

Definitely weird, he thought, that even at the end of the earth, he wasn’t dreaming of the Catholic notion he’d been raised on. He wasn’t dreaming of Heaven, or Hell, or God, or the Devil - just the earth, again, or light, or… void.

Bit of a shit way to go, really. Tasered by your high school bully, and given a heart attack. At least there’d be some publicity, and maybe Apollyon would get what he deserved.

And then he was closing his eyes to muffled yells and the beat of fast footsteps and a pale, translucent face hovering above him, whispering _don’t you fucking dare-_

He shut his eyes against the light.

//

Isaac didn’t know where the idea came from. It just… popped into his head. It was a stupid, last-ditch attempt to save somebody who was dying - maybe he’d read it somewhere.

Isaac grabbed the taser, which- well, it kind of looked like there was confetti around it, which was weird. And he fired again.

And Lazarus opened his eyes, and breathed.

\--

Sam had seen the look on Apollyon’s face when the boy fired the taser. It wasn’t an expression of victory or horror or happiness or guilt. It was just… surprise. Maybe he hadn’t meant to pull the trigger. Maybe he hadn’t truly known what it would do.

But either way, Lazarus was shaking on the ground, muscles tensing and hands shaking. Sam had looked over the boy as his eyes began to shut - and Sam was compelled to save him. He didn’t really know why, but Lazarus looked so young in that moment, not a high schooler plagued by exams and teen drama but a child, unprepared for life, and even more unprepared for what comes after it. Even Sam, a ghost roaming through oceans of binary, didn’t know what the other side really looked like.

So he took Isaac’s hand and whispered invisibly into his ear, planting a seed of an idea that spread through the boy’s brain like wildfire. Then he took all the energy pulsing through Lazarus’ body and he took all the energy that was inside himself and he _pushed._

He arranged the electricity and his very own soul into the right pattern of sparks and waves, and as he faded into the sky, he saw Lazarus open his eyes, and meet his disappearing ones.

Sam was excited to see what waited on the other side, even if there wasn’t anything there at all. He was getting tired of trawling through reddit.

\--

 **???:** I can’t find you anywhere.   
**???:** All trace of you is gone - no anomalies, no nothing. Like you were wiped away.   
**???:** None of the kids have talked to me. I don’t think anyone is online.

 **???:** Are you dead, now? Is that it? Is it over?

 **???:** Everything I tried to find out, everything I tried to dig up. I lost my memory. I lost everything. You were my only link to the biggest story I’d ever uncovered - my story. Your story.

 **???:** I don’t know why I’m sad. You were kind of a little shit. Plus I’m pretty sure you were meant to be dead anyway.

 **???:** I guess I have to write something about the county fair now.   
_Message not received._   
**???:** Goodbye, then.   
_Message not received._

**??? is now offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's it for now. this fic will forever be in my heart and i intend to use it as inspiration for an actual story (like... not fic. remember books, guys? wow, ancient)  
> if you liked this, please check out my [tumblr.](http://dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com/) you can ask me about this stiry or any of my others, along with headcanons!  
> please comment with questions, y'all. see you on the flip side!  
> PRQ out  
> >[ART FOR THIS FIC HERE](http://dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com/search/the+binding+of+isaac%2C+fanart)<

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if you liked this? i know not many people will read it (if any) but i'm going to try and finish it anyway because i love this game and there's almost no fic content  
> prq out


End file.
